Do the Freddie

One of the things that I love most about being out of college is that weekends are actually weekends. In school, Sundays were very rarely a day of rest. Sure we would take a long, leisurely lunch after church and sometimes we would make a trip to the lake, but ultimately Sunday's were bogged down with wrapping up (or starting) all the work I had put off until then and meetings for various things. So, it's nice to have that real separation of work and rest and to enjoy relaxing.

And even though today might have been a relaxing day, I accomplished plenty of worthwhile things. I went to church and JD preached a sermon that I still need to do some unpacking and reflecting on because it was pretty heavy (there will probably be more on it, once I've got my thoughts together). When I got home I made a delicious small stack of banana and chocolate chip pancakes and took parenting notes from the Duggers :) Their total lack of television watching naturally inspired me to reminisce about all of the things that I most enjoyed watching on TV as a child, which resulted in watching Troop Beverly Hills and a variety of clips on YouTube (where would we be without YouTube?). Lastly but definitely not least, I created a Pandora station for Freddie and the Dreamers, the creators of this little gem. It's the little things friend :)

Day Six:

1. The diversity in the choir at church. Black, white, young, old--a little bit of everyone represented and it's a little glimpse into what heaven will be like.
2. Color--life would be so boring without it.
3. That we always seemed to have music on when we were kids.
4. For my dear friend Katie Simmons and her reminding me about our Eat-vangelism seminar...those were the days :)
5. Reopened doors of communication with family members I haven't talked to in years.
   

Summer will be here soon enough

I love warm, sunshiney spring days like today because they allow us to enjoy a sense of carefree-ness and relaxation often associated with summer amidst the business of wrapping up the end of another school year and whatnot. Plus, in the spring the sunshine is still new and exciting after the winter and people aren't quite ready to complain about the heat, sweat and humidity :)

On a day like today I do miss being at Winthrop simply because it would have been an absolutely perfect day for sitting by the lake and reading a good book with friends, and I quite miss the tulips all over campus. Oh how I love tulips.

Today was a perfectly lovely day in Raleigh however. It was a wonderful day for driving with the sunroof open and the tunes cranking, and fortunately for me I had a reason to drive out to Wendell for a cookout with some track out folks. Burgers, baby, potatoes guns, and passing on the punching food game. Good day.

Day Five:

1. The crickets chirrping outside my window
2. Getting to hold and play with a beautiful baby boy today
3. Homemade pizza
4. Freshly painted fingers and toes :)
5. The Moody's hospitality in letting us come over and enjoy time together
   

Friday--Day Four

The past two days have been blessed with good conversation. I will admit that initiating and carrying on conversations is not always my strength, but I love to see when the Lord really allows conversations to flow freely, whether it's in the form of encouraging, teaching, or just catching up with a friend. It's nice.

I felt like I accomplished a lot today (even if I didn't get everything done that I wanted to), and that is a good feeling to be able to check things off of a list and see things slowly coming together. And while this track has not been bad by any means and I have seen a great deal of growth in our team, I am glad to see it go and for a new group of kids to come in on Monday. It will just be nice for things to settle down for a bit.

I was able to share some ideas for Camp Rock tonight with some friends and I just get more excited each time I start brainstorming and trying to plan things out. I haven't really "done" anything yet, but I truly believe the Lord is going to bless this camp this summer and I'm anxious to see what that will look like.

Day Four

1. SUNSHINE and Flip Flops :)
2. Seeing growth and improvement in some of our kids from the start of the track to the end
3. Having dinner with Jordan and Lukas
4. For excitement about the summer
5. Thinking about middle school and how thankful I am to have grown up since then
   

I suck at going to bed at a decent hour

Today was an eventful day at Track Out. I go on my lunch break at 11:30 and I come back and I see one of our campers being carried out to her car (rolled ankle--don't get too worried) and my co-worker filling out not one but TWO incident reports. It was a year round early release day, so between 11:30 and 12:45 we had extra children show up and all of the normal directors were off at their after school sites, and I had more than one child visit my office for a variety of issues ranging from being tired, to needing a break, to not listening, to having ripped an impressive and quite large hole in his/her pants. Not to mention the normal day to day tasks of getting bus rosters ready and fielding phone calls and whatnot. I wouldn't put it down as a bad day, just eventful. Oh, then at around 3:40 I realized I had a credit card log due at 3 that I completely had in my head was due tomorrow and I had not even started on it! Yay!

Despite the craziness of the day, I came home completely satisfied with it. It's one of those nights where it just all the sudden became much later than I thought and I'm not particularly tired and I am just sort of in the mood to socialize (I'm sure I will feel it in the morning--oh well). Needless to say, today is a day that I am thankful for, partially due to the following things:

Day Three

1. Compliments from friends about something small that you wouldn't expect them to notice.
2. A night full of multiple good conversations with both co-workers and roommates and thusly the bonding/relationship development that goes with it
3. An opportunity to build up someone else
4. A gospel song that definitely had a hook from "Beat It" (yes, the Michael Jackson song) in it
5. A day without TV
   

I Win

I like to make up games. Usually they are games I play with myself just for a chuckle and sometimes I invite others to join. Some of my favorite are: Guess What Someone is Going to Order from a Restaurant (are they a burger person? chicken person? Lemon or no lemon in their tea?), If You Had a Theme Song That Would Play Every Time You Entered a Room What Would It Be? (Bootylicious, hands down); and If Money Was Not on Issue, What Luxuries Would You Pay For?(someone to stretch me out daily). This is what I do with my time and today---I won. I actually got one of the things from my game to happen.

I have recently signed up for Personal Training with one of the trainers at the Y. And while I am not the least physically fit person around, I could use some shaping up and getting into a good routine, so I thought this would be good motivation. For a first session I think it went pretty well. We did mostly weights and while I'm not paralyzed from muscle soreness, I have a nice little post-workout burn. So after hopping on machine after machine working all the different muscles, my trainer was like, "Lay down on the mat so I can stretch you out." It was glorious. Totally worth the work.

Five Things I am Thankful For Today:

1. The five little girls who were dressed in head to toe cheetah attire, who crawled around the floor and for the little boy who "hunted" them.
2. Warm showers for sore muscles :)
3. A gradually recovering immune system
   
4. Chocolate chip pancakes for dinner
5. The song "Video" by India.Arie
   

An afterthought about thankfulness

After I posted my entry last night, I was thinking about how I need to make a concerted effort to be more aware of the blessings in my life--that if I want to live Easter everyday, that I need to find the reasons to rejoice everyday, something that I don't always do.

So, I decided to give myself a personal challenge in being more aware and thankful for things in my life. I am hoping that if I set an actual goal for myself, and commit to updating it on here, that I might actually go through with one of my many plans to step up my walk with the Lord rather than letting it fall to the side and sit there.

The challenge is this...for the next 30 days I will post five specific things that I am thankful for and I am not allowed to say anything more than once. If I can't find at least five new things a day to be thankful for, I have bigger issues.

So there it is and here it goes.

Day One:

1. People who are willing to be honest.
2. The little boy who waved goodbye to me at the Y even though he doesn't know me.
   
3. Kids who get really into the games that I make up.
4. That I am able to live with my best friend.
5. The fact that I get to think up a safari outfit to wear to work tomorrow :)
   

"So long you wages of sin, so long don't you come back again"

I know that it probably makes me a little bit of a traitor to America to say this...but Easter is my favorite holiday.

Now don't get me wrong, I like Christmas alright (even if I might come off as the Christmas movie/music nazi prior to Thanksgiving), the festivities are fun, people are cheery, it is perfectly acceptable to watch Love Actually and Elf multiple times, and Jesus was born, so it's important, but Easter is amazing. It is the single, history altering event upon which my entire faith is based! Everyone is born (and I don't mean that to say Jesus' birth wasn't extraordinary) but NOT everyone comes back from the dead. I'm all about a good celebration, and there is nothing more worthy of a blow out celebration than the resurrection. I kind of hate that it doesn't get more attention and that it doesn't get celebrated as it should (and similarly a little disappointed the Easter service I went to was a little drab).

One thing I really like about the Catholic tradition (and some other churches as well) is the season of Lent prior to Easter (and I don't just mean giving up chocolate as a spiritual way of dieting to look good for the summer), but really giving up and giving something to really remind you of and pull you to the cross. We should prepare for Easter and take the time to think about what Jesus' death really was and really means. Easter isn't just a one day thing, it's the reality of our life in Christ. I could use more practice in remembering this.

I'll admit, I have a pretty active imagination when I think about what it will be like when Jesus comes back (usually involving Jesus strutting in with his posse and throwing punches at the bad guys) and to think about what the scene was like when Jesus kicked back that stone and said "Boo-yah Death!" is almost too much, but as I was driving home on Easter, I pulled up an old favorite on the pod and it captures it perfectly.

High Noon by Andrew Peterson

High noon in the valley of the shadow
When the deep of the valley was bright
When the mouth of the tomb shouted,
"Glory, the groom is alive"
So long, you wages of sin go on,
Don't you come back again
I've been raised and redeemed;
You've lost all your sting
To the victor of the battle at
High noon in the valley
In the valley of the shadow

And the demons, they danced in the darkness
When that last ragged breath left his lungs
And they reveled and howled
At the war that they thought they had won

But then, in the dark of the grave
The stone rolled away
In the still of the dawn on the greatest of days

High noon in the valley of the shadow
When the shadows were shot through with light
When Jesus took in that breath
And shattered all death with his life
Be gone, you wages of sin
Go on, don't you come back again
I've been raised and redeemed
You've lost all your sting
To the victor of the battle
High noon in the valley of the shadow

Let the people rejoice
Let the heavens resound
Let the name of Jesus, who sought us
And freed us forever ring out

All praise to the fighter of the night
Who rides on the light
Whose gun is the grace of the God of the sky

High noon in the valley of the shadow
When the shadows were shot through with light
When the mouth of the tomb
Shouted, "Glory, the Groom is alive"
Be gone, you wages of sin
Go on, don't you come back again
I've been raised and redeemed
All praise to the king
The victor of the battle
High noon in the valley
In the valley of the shadow

Happy Easter.

Sometimes God answers prayers with the ipod shuffle

For the Moments I Feel Faint--Relient K

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

[Chorus:]
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

[Chorus]

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands

This song echoed the very cry of my heart tonight as I was talking to the Lord. God is good. He watches out for His children.

Sabotage (Part 1)--Fear of Man

A lot of nights, the last moments before I go to sleep are stressful (rather than restful) because my brain won't shut off and my mind runs in about thousand different directions. I normally try to pray during this time, to bring peace to my head (and heart), but some nights I just can't make it slow down.

I feel like this time very vulnerable because as the rest of my body is shutting off and I am confined to my bed and the darkness with just my brain left to wander, and I think it is the prime time for either God to reveal things or for the devil to plant things, raise questions, and bring forth emotions that I otherwise wouldn't give much thought to.

Last night was one of these nights and I could practically feel anxiety rising up in my chest. I was all over the place -- What do I really want to do with my life? I think I want to really get into community development and outreach. I think I want to work with girls and women. But what about always wanting to work with kids? I should go to grad school. I think I want to go for counseling. I really want a vacation. Friday at work was chaos. Hawaii sounds great. I really wish I felt like I was growing in my faith. I miss my friends from college. I hate when I feel like I've failed. Will I get married? Why do I care if I do? I'm not ready to get married. Why am I even thinking about this? I need to find more satisfaction in my walk with the Lord. I'm hungry. I have to wake up early and I can't fall asleep. I wish I had some music on but I'm too tired to get up. I think I want a new ipod. How early do I need to wake up so I can get to church on time?....and so on.

Needless to say, I was getting frustrated because I really just wanted to fall asleep. But the Lord really responded to that time of mental attack last night because this morning at church JD started a new series called Sabotage, and it is going to address the different things in our life that keep us from being who we really want to be. Which right off the bat really resonated with me because I feel like I always have this desire to grow and change but it doesn't seem to ever come to fruition.

The series is going to be going through the book of Proverbs and the first sabotage JD address was the Fear of Man. And throughout his sermon he managed to hit on just about every issue that was running through my mind.

God is good.

" Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."
Proverbs 29:25

In order to really understand this particular threat in our lives, we have to understand what is really means, and as JD pointed out, in this instance the word "fear" is not referring to being afraid of something but rather "adding weight to" something. Just like we talk about fear of the Lord as having a respect and a sense of awe for God, we are adding weight to his opinion. When we fear man, we are giving value to the opinion of man. Our concern with man's perception of us rather than God's can stifle a life in so many ways.

But how do we know if we have a fear of man? JD provided a good list of questions that I wanted to share because I realized I answered "yes" to a lot of them and it makes sense why I have a lot of the anxieties that I do. I am hoping this will be a good jumping off point for growing closer to the person the Lord wants me to become, and I hope it is helpful for you as well.

• Do you have the need to self promote, name drop, and bring up your accomplishments?
• Is social rejection among your most painful childhood memories?
• Is the thought of social rejection still a fear?
• Was peer pressure a big influence in your life?
• Does the thought of failure mortify you?
• Are you always competing with others?
• Do you love thinking about what people think of you?
• Are you easily embarrassed or really shy?
• Do you have to be the center of attention?
• Do you fear exposure?
• Does what people say or do towards you affect your self-esteem?
• Do you generally avoid people as to not get too close or hurt?
• Do you have a problem lying (especially little white lies)?
  
• Are you constantly over-committed?
• Do you have trouble disagree who you perceive as important or in power?
• Do you second guess your decisions?
• Do you pride yourself on not caring what people think?
• Does exposure of your generosity motivate you to give more?
• Do you fear being single?
• Why do you diet?
• Have you been been too intimidated to share your faith?

To be perfectly honest, I answered yes much more often than I answered no, which doesn't suprise me. I have known for a long time that I am a people pleaser and a perfectionist, but it did raise my awareness of the real root of the issue--I am giving people more weight than I am giving God and I am not fully embracing or aware of God's true stance towards me. He loves me. He loves you. And that love is neverending. I long for satisfaction in Jesus, and God promises that trusting in him is a safety and a guard for my heart. I need to learn to trust God more.

...And I have to admit my eyes teared up just a little

This past weekend, a (almost) lifelong dream of mine came true (although the couple next to me said I am too young to have wanted it "for a long time" pshh)...

I FREAKING SAW BILLY JOEL LIVE!!!

I think just about anyone who knows me knows that I love Billy Joel. It's a love affair that started young and that has stuck with me all my life. I have wanted to see him live for a long time, and finally I can check that one off the life's to-d0 list (although hopefully I will check it multiple times). As cheesy as it sounds, I don't have enough words to explain just how exciting the whole show was.

The arena was just full with excitement. People (of all ages) just absorbed in a world of music put on by two of music's legends (oh, Elton John was there too). And while part of me wanted to be right up there front dancing along and screaming my heart out, another part of me really just wanted to sit and watch in disbelief that it was real. It was so fun. And

as if I needed more reasons to love Billy Joel, he is entirely silly, which makes me so happy. I would like for him to know Jesus so we can hang out in heaven.

Steady Friends

Almost daily I discover things about myself that indicate that there is a good chance I was born in the wrong generation. Whether it's music and movie tastes, fashion choices, or phrases that I think should make a come back, I sometimes just have to chuckle at myself when I stumble upon these little quirks in my personality.

For example, I really like the phrase "going steady" in reference to when people are dating pretty seriously. The term definitely doesn't get used by anyone in my generation, but I just think it's fun. This past summer I was sharing this tid-bit of information with Jenn in the office at camp and we decided that we would start "going steady" as friends. Obviously, Jordan and Ms. Jacque had to be steady friends too, and thus we started our our steady friends group :)

Well, this weekend we celebrated the birth of perhaps the classiest of the steady friends, Ms. Jacque, with a day full of distraction and deception as Jenn, Jordan and I had the job of entertaining Ms. Jacque while her husband got the house ready for her surprise birthday party. It was amazing. I'm so thankful for such wonderful ladies in my life.

What I Do With My Free Time

When my roommates are lounging around in the evening...they watch shows like Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. You know, shows that, while catering to the 55+ club, at least offer some form of intellectual stimulation.

What do I watch in the evenings? Not just re-runs of all three episodes of the current season of The Real World: Brooklyn, but the web exclusive daily clips--one right after the other. That or episodes of Bug Juice on Youtube. I'm sorry but you can't watch this and not crack up. What can I say, people fascinate me, and this season's cast has got me hooked like I haven't been since Back to New York.

"Remember the time we realized 'Thriller' was our favorite song?"

Sigh.

I do believe that there will always be a part of me that is attracted to tattooed and pierced punk rock guys (which i think usually surprises people, although i don't think it should). And similarly, I think there will always be a teenage version of myself wanting to be the girl in the punk rock songs those tattooed and pierced boys sing.

all of that to let you know that i have recently decided to revisit some bands that i used to listen to (like MxPx and Blink-182) and the truth is, i still love them. and i figure that if i loved them when i was 12, and i love them when i am 22, i am pretty confident that i will be an 80 year old woman who still loves them...

and that makes me happy.

and also makes me wonder what my kids will turn out like when their musical influences growing up will be billy joel and new found glory :)

and just for fun, here is another tattooed man that i love--although he is not a punk rocker.

poem

I don't think I have written a poem since like 8th grade when I had to create a poetry anthology for an English project, but for some reason, this came to me as I was trying to go to sleep Sunday night, so I thought I would do something with it.

Good Try Baltimore...

...but you just couldn't pull it out.

So pull out your Terrible Towels everybody because THE STEELERS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!!

08/09

So, the time of year has come when one is compelled to reflect on the previous year and make lofty goals for the new year. As I am one to willingly give into compulsions, I will do just that in this post.

In the year 2008 I (in no particular order):

• Prayed in the New Year and danced the night away afterwards
  
• Kicked off my last semester at Winthrop
• Was part of an amazing Bible study
• Developed a fascination with prenatal development
• Wrote a thesis
• Presented research
• Ate tacos every Tuesday with Charlotte
• Lived off of Diet Coke and Cheddar Chex mix for several weeks
• Saw the full moon rise out of the ocean :)
  
• Laughed a lot
• Experienced my first pedicure
  
• Saw lots of friends get engaged and others get married
  
• Graduated with a 4.0
• said a lot of goodbyes
• worked my last summer at Rockfish
• Kayaked in the Pacific ocean
• lived on an island for a week
• cried a lot
• Got a car
  
• Go-karted in a dress and pearls
• Finally got to go to The Melting Pot
  
• Saw Moving Out
• Saw The Rockettes in NYC
• Watched 4 entire seasons of 4 separate reality TV shows
• Moved in Raleigh
• Got a job
• Got a promotion
• Went to my first state fair
  
• Painted my fingernails black
• Chopped off my hair
• Ran for homecoming queen
• Made it to the final three
• Bought a new camera
• Started reading for fun
  
• Dabbled in bellydancing
• Bought an amazing pair of tennis shoes
• Watched a lot of movies

In 2009 I will:

• See Billy Joel and Elton John LIVE!!!
• Road trip to Birmingham to see Wicked!
• Put forth more effort to cook
  
• Make a noble attempt to work out regularly
• Find a church to get plugged into
• Take a stab at budgeting my money
• UPDATE: Finally submit an audition tape for The Real World.
  

Feel free to add to either list as you see fit.

Indulgence

In some instances, I am in full support of indulging in the finer things in life: European chocolate, aromatherapy bath scrubs, hot showers, and cashmere. But then, as I think about it, a lot of times indulgence is at the very root of a lot of my spiritual struggles.

In his first letter to the Corinthians Paul writes: "Everything is permissible--but not everything is beneficial" (10:23)

As I was reading this the other night my initial reaction was "Gah. There is so much truth to this statement, so much conviction."

Then I thought to myself, "What if I checked all of my of my actions against the question: 'is this beneficial'?" I think it would drastically alter the way I live my life.

Obviously, Paul is addressing the issue of free will and the fact that we were created by a God who has given us the freedom to make our own decisions, we are not just characters in some cosmic puppet show, thus, we have the capability to do "everything." And naturally some decisions that we make are good and some are not. But the second part of the verse addresses the real issue of free will, that because we are free to make our own decisions we should not act selfishly or in vain, but should seek to act in a way that benefits those around us. The issue of benefit is the heart behind our actions.

How many times a day do I allow myself to indulge in something that is not at all beneficial to myself, the Lord, or anybody else? The truth is, more often that I can count. Sometimes it comes in the form of stuffing my face with junk, laziness, gossip, sleep, TV, music, putting off my time with the Lord, putting my expectations for the future ahead of the Lord's purpose for me in the present, or wallowing in self doubt and insecurity.

The truth is, that far too often I both knowingly and unknowingly allow myself to indulge physically, emotionally and spiritually in things that have no benefit, and because of that I give the devil a foothold on my heart to create a perceived distance from the Lord and others.

What You Own

1.Put your iPod or whatever mp3 player or music player you use on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Billy Brown

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
The Ballad of Hansberry Brown

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
God's Been Good to Me

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Big Girl (You are Beautiful)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Zoot Suit Riot

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Sparkling Diamonds

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I've Had the Time of My Life

WHAT IS 2+2?
Happy Every After in Your Eyes

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
A Thousand Miles

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Santa Fe (from Newsies, not Rent)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Do You Love Me?

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hungry Eyes

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mr. Brightside

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU
Hold Up My Arms

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
No Other Way

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
All My Life (heck yes KC and Jo Jo)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Do You Wanna Dance?

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Shake Ya Money Maker

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Popular

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
All Creatures

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Love Heals (So I won't die?)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Back 2 Good

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Because We Can

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Erase

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
My Style

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Collide

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Round Here

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Love is a Many Splendored Thing

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
What You Own



Ok, so out of the ones I have read...my list is my far the lamest. Curse it all when me and the shuffle aren't on the same page!

honestly, who needs a boyfriend...

...when you can go to work and have the cutest 6 year old boy stare you in the eyes and say:

"Brooke, I'm in love with you."

it was precious....and hilarious...i had to laugh after i walked away :)

sometimes charlie brown just says it best :)

HAPPINESS IS FINDING A PENCIL.
PIZZA WITH SAUSAGE
TELLING THE TIME.
HAPPINESS IS LEARNING TO WHISTLE.
TYING YOUR SHOE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
HAPPINESS IS PLAYING THE DRUM IN YOUR OWN SCHOOL BAND.
AND HAPPINESS IS WALKING HAND IN HAND.

HAPPINESS IS TWO KINDS OF ICE CREAM.
KNOWING A SECRET.
CLIMBING A TREE.
HAPPINESS IS FIVE DIFFERENT CRAYONS.
CATCHING A FIREFLY.
SETTING HIM FREE.

HAPPINESS IS BEING ALONE EVERY NOW AND THEN.
AND HAPPINESS IS COMING HOME AGAIN.
HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,
DAY TIME AND NIGHT TIME TOO.
FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALL
THAT'S LOVED BY YOU.

HAPPINESS IS HAVING A SISTER.
SHARING A SANDWICH.
GETTING ALONG.
HAPPINESS IS SINGING TOGETHER WHEN DAY IS THROUGH,
AND HAPPINESS IS THOSE WHO SING WITH YOU.
HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,
DAYTIME AND NIGHTTIME TOO.
FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALL
THAT'S LOVED BY YOU.

breakthrough

so i have finally acquired some semblance of a chest of drawers, so slowly but surely my room is looking less like suitcase vomit and more like i live here :)


i also hung some pictures and whatnot

A collection of random thoughts, aspirations, and updates

I leave my apartment at 6:30 every morning to be at the Y by 7-it's dark, it's cold, but every single morning there are people out running, and every morning I think to myself "I'm just never going to be one of those people who runs for fun, much less at 6:30 in the morning."

I think I am finally going to submit a video to audition for the Real World. The age cut-off is 24 so I really only have one season left to try to fulfill this dream. And, my mom always threatened to stop paying for my education if I went on the Real World, and I'm graduated these days :)

I am going to send in an application to be a judge at the National Pie Championship. I like pie. I have opinions. Please tell me what is better than 3 straight days of pie.

The shuffle and I have been on good terms, meaning the music of my life the past few days has been wonderful.

I got a promotion at work.

God is teaching me patience. Sometimes I'm just not good at waiting.

If Idle Hands are the Devil's Playthings...

...then I am in a bad way.

i'm bored...really bored.

my post-college life is quite a change of pace from the non-stop busyness that was my high school and college years. basically, i wake up, go to work, come home, and that's it...seriously.

because i am still checking out churches and whatnot, i'm not really plugged in anywhere around here, i haven't quite motivated myself enough to get to the gym yet, and i spend a lot of my day flying solo at work so i haven't gotten to know anyone there really, thus boredom has set in.

i'm taking suggestions on what to do with my time...if it's good...i'll write a special feature on it :)

What am I supposed to do with my time now?

So, because I have nothing better to do with myself or my time, I made it my goal to finish the 111 Worst Songs playlist. Now, the thing is, everytime you start the station it starts you back at the beginning and there is no skipping ahead past the songs you've already heard, so I had to start fresh this afternoon--and I was making serious progress too, I got down to about 63 or so when tragedy struck...

for some God-forsaken reason the playlist started back at number 111 with Paris Hilton (and no one can ever convince me that Paris Hilton is somehow less awful than Hootie, who is in fact not awful at all but someone was ranked lower, along with Will Smith).

And while I do suprise myself with the amount of endurance I have for completely meaningless tasks, I'm not sure I will barrel through those first fifty or so songs again...so with this adventure coming to an end, or at least a pause, I will leave you with three nuggets of musical treasure that you need to check out.

First is none other than a lovely duet by none other than The King of Pop Himself and Sir Paul McCartney called "The Girl is Mine."

Followed by a little dose of Milli Vanilli's "Girl You Know It's True."

And then perhaps the best thing I have come across in years, a true icon of musical greatness "The Fast Food Song" by the Fast Food Rockers. Let's eat...to the beat!

The 111 Worst Songs

As many of you know, I have somewhat of a tendency to be drawn to and seriously enjoy the things of this world that some might label awful, corny, or lame, but that I refer to as "under appreciated." It's the reason why I watch Pauly Shore movies and have considered on more than one occasion buying the new purple acid wash jeans Target is trying to bring back (and I am sure you guys could come up with an entire list of things I am missing). I also, am a bit of a pop culture ho, so obviously when I came across the 111 Worst Songs channel on AOL radio, I had no choice to listen.

I have to say I was quite entertained (and couldn't help but giggle) that as the songs began playing I found myself singing along or discovering new guilty pleasures (including "Stars are Blind" by Paris Hilton--don't hate, catchy pop music is catchy pop music). As pleasurable as this was, I was quite saddened that several of my all time favorite songs (namely "Dirty Pop" and "This is Why I'm Hot") were on the list.

Granted, there were some seriously terrible songs on the list ("That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain and "America A-O" by Aaron Carter) and some predicted ones ("Are You Jimmy Ray?" by Jimmy Ray), but where do these people get off putting the Hoff on the 111 Worst Songs list?

So I didn't get to finish the countdown, but it was entertaining nonetheless...

...And that's what I did with my Sunday afternoon...

It's fun to work at the Y-M-C-A

I couldn't resist.

So, this week concluded my first full week as an employee at the A.E. Finley YMCA (where apparently Clay Aiken used to work before he hit the big time).

For all of those who are interested, my official title is Senior Camper Coordinator, which essentially means I plan for and run the middle school portion of the track out sessions. More or less, I am a counselor but I make my own schedule and have a little more freedom in creativity and activities. In Wake County there are four "tracks" of year round school that kids can be on, so they all go on break at different times, thus the need for track out programs. So basically, every 3 weeks new kids come through until all four cycles have been and then it starts over.

I'm learning that each track will bring it's own unique set of kids with completely different personalities and challenges. Last week my kids were all pretty chill and they were definitely your younger middle schoolers, still in a place where they liked to play and things like that. This track, I have some drama mamas, flirts, awkward kids, and they all like to talk non-stop at a loud volume.

I'm being challenged in a lot of ways partially because I haven't counseled in three years and partially because middle schoolers are not my best age group to work with. Plus, on top of all of that I am still trying to learn the ins and outs of how the YMCA works and how they do things and what they expect, and the kids are used to doing things the old way and they recently restructured the track out program so there are just a lot of factors that go into an overall feeling of unpreparedness. And to be honest, there is kind of a silly feeling like I'm somehow cheating on Rockfish by working for the Y.

For the most part, I really am enjoying my job, but I can't say I've truly developed a heart for it yet, which is something I pray the Lord will give me. It's also hard because, honestly, it's not a position I plan on holding for too long (although it's a great fit for my situation now), which makes motivating myself difficult sometimes.

All in all, middle schoolers and ridiculous no matter where you work, but somebody's gotta keep them in line :)

I will post about my new job later...

...but right now you need to check out my sweet new kicks. i figure, if i have to wear tennis shoes everyday, they ought to be friggin' awesome--and does it get better than zebra stripe and highlighter yellow? i submit that it does not.

Moving

It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how independent I like to think I am when I come to moments in my life when I just don't know what the future holds, all I want to do is go home and be with my mommy.

I had a really hard time motivating myself to pack and head back to Raleigh. I guess it was mainly because I didn't feel like I had anything to go back to other than a messy room with no bed, no furniture, nothing. Raleigh doesn't feel like home yet because I'm not really settled there, I feel more like I'm just crashing on the floor than moving in. All the "freedom" of not knowing left me feeling a little bit lost and incredibly unmotivated...and I was just getting discouraged about the job thing.

But the Lord is a faithful provider! As I was driving home from saying goodbye to my mom, I was beginning to get particularly caught up in my thoughts and my phone rang. I got a job! Not the job I interviewed for, but they offered me another position...I guess they want to keep me around and that's a good sign right? The call came at the perfect moment because it gave me a tangible reason to come back (other than the looming rent check) and that got be excited about getting plugged in and settled here in Raleigh.

I've been e-mailing with two women from two separate churches here and I am really looking forward to getting to meet them and start looking for a church family. Both seem really nice and both churches look like they would have a lot to offer (including swing dancing which I will be taking up for the next four Wednesdays). It'll just be good to start meeting new people :)

Lady in Waiting

By about the middle of my sophomore year in college I had had enough of Christian dating books, talks, etc. To be honest, I became somewhat hardened to any message of this sort simply because I felt like I had heard the same thing so many times and that if I heard it again I would scream.

Then second semester junior year, Ansley told us we would be studying a book entitled Fantasy in our discipleship group (insert finger in throat and gag), yet another book on all the proper Christian conversations one is supposed to have when in a relationship and how girls are obsessed with the idea of marriage and how worth it is to wait for a godly man (all of which, I admit, have some truth to them, but seriously). And of course, because I was so against going through such a book, God used it to teach me all sort of amazing things and teach me that I was wrong. In fact, it has become a book I have lead a group in twice and have recommended on several occasions.

Then this summer I decided that I would take a stab at reading the book Lady in Waiting. On the one hand, I wanted to hit myself for being compelled to read a "dating book," thus giving the impression that I was that marriage obsessed girl who even brought the obsession into her time with the Lord, BUT after thumbing it over a few times and seeing that it actually had some good biblical basis and practical application, my gag reflex calmed down and I decided it was worth a shot.

What I like about Lady in Waiting is that it's not going on and on about finding beauty or how to be a better potential wife but it really focuses on growing closer to the Lord and examining areas of your life that keep you from being as close to the Lord as He desires. It's good stuff...and while yes it does has some application to me as a single woman, I also have just become aware of just how much of a waiting period I am in in life right now, and I don't just mean in love. I'm waiting to hear back from a job (and if I don't get it I'll continue waiting for other opportunities). I'm waiting for furniture. I'm waiting to get settled in Raleigh, to find a church, to get plugged in. I'm waiting for discernment. I'm just waiting for things in life to get some form of routine and normalcy.

I also have a tendency to be the "if-only" girl. If only I had more time, if only I had a job, if only I had a relationship, if only I had this article of clothing or thing for my apartment or whatever it is. I set all kinds of levels to accomplish before I can get real with God. I'm waiting on all sort of menial and earthly things to come to fruition when the most satisfying thing in the world requires no waiting at all but simply an open and willing heart.

Getting Back Into the Swing

I hate that the business of the end of the school year and the chaos that is Rockfish has kept me from updating in such a long time, but now with the freedom of my post-college life I am hoping to be back in the blogging world much more frequently.

My current facebook status says that I kind of miss the craziness of back to school, and I do. I knew August would be harder than May in the sense that leaving school in May was essentially the same as every May and my summer was the same as every summer, but now it is that magical time of year and I'm not thinking about classes, buying school supplies, or gearing up for any back-to-school festivities. Instead, I am half moved into an apartment in Raleigh and sitting in my living room at home in Myrtle Beach.

I am excited about the possibilities of the future, but overwhelmed as well. I really want the next year or so, as I transition from student to adult, to be a time of seeking the Lord, I want to grow, I want to change. I'm not entirely sure how or what it will look like, but I want it.

I'm just a little bit over school right now...

For some reason, today I am just completely over school.

I really like school, as many of you know, and I have been trying hard not to become to countdown kid, just checking off the days until graduation (or even spring break) and rejoicing at the thought of just being done. I don't want to spend my last two months of school so anticipating the end that I overlook what is still left to be done and learned.

but today, I just don't feel like doing anything and the fact that I have to get things done (and soon) stresses me out, which is typically a motivator, but not at the moment.

sigh.

Psalm 86

Hear, O Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.
Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.
All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you , O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.
For you are great and do marvelous deeds,
you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O Lord,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided hear,
that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, O Lord my God,
with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life--
men without regard for you.
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant.
Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

"I need you in my house cause you're my home"

Have I mentioned lately that I love Billy Joel? If not, I do.

Insecure

Sometimes it really amazes me how little it takes to make me question my worth, even if it's only for a second.

I think I like to pretend I am a lot less sensitive than I really am.

Last night in Bible study we were talking about James 3:13-17 which is mostly about wisdom, but in defining earthy wisdom James describes it as full of "envy and selfish ambition" (vs. 15) and one of our questions was "In what circumstances in your life do you find it easy to become envious or self-ambitious?"

Over the past few years I have become well aware of my tendency to compare myself to others constantly, which messes with my self-esteem and makes me envious and bitter towards others. However, when I was going to answer this question I gained some clarity in what specific circumstances I find myself most prone to these feelings--when I am the "alternate" choice and not chosen.

It's one thing to compare myself to lots of people on lots of levels, but I find my security really shaken when it comes down to a choice between me and one other person and I'm not the chosen one. I guess I fear not being chosen, which translates in my head to not being wanted.

I guess it shows I tend to get a lot of my sense of self-worth from other people...it's frustrating to know the devil has his finger on that very part of my heart that can make me doubt when I KNOW that the Lord is good and that my worth comes from something much bigger and better than anything this world or anyone in it can offer.

A Slow Progression Towards Adulthood

According the the countdown application on my Facebook profile, there are 68 days left until graduation. Talk about a total mindblow. In those 68 days (and thats counting weekends and spring break) I have 2 conferences to present at, a thesis to finish, classes to pass, students to tutor, a grant project to fulfill, t-shirts to order, inductions to organize, papers to write, presentations to give, on top of the overwhelming task of moving myself into adult mode.

I've decided to make this a slow and gradual process that began with a vow not to go to class without getting properly put together, a habit I needed to get into (although I have always protested the vulgar going to class in your pajamas thing). Then came creating an e-mail account that lacked an affiliation with Winthrop or middle school, a solid nameinitiallastname@gmail.com.

Then I had to order my cap and gown, which made the event of graduation all the more real.

The new voicemail message will come next as will the sending out of resumes all while I attempt to slowly build a wardrobe that doesn't scream camp or college student.

I don't hate the idea of becoming an adult, I just wish I had a little more direction in what I will be doing a few months from now. Part of me is excited to be closing this chapter of my life and seeing where the next few years as a twenty-something will take me, but another part of me feels like I am just now hitting my stride as a college student and I'm not ready to be done yet. It's just all becoming final.

On an entirely different note, I am making a new-month resolution to write more. The past year or so has seen far too few blog posts on here and I keep getting this desire to write for an audience again (as small as that audience might be).

Almost too good to believe...

...and i can't watch.

two of my best vices WWE and Project Runway are joining forces and I don't have Bravo...

i lose.

I no longer have to take responsibility for any of my actions

because apparently Akon has volunteered to take the blame

...and that is how I spend my Sunday

Yesterday I spent 9 hours of my day watching the ABC Family 7th Heaven marriage marathon. Needless to say, my eyes were a little teary most of the day, but that's beside the point.

I am well aware of the corniness and unrealisticness of 7th Heaven, but no matter how aware I am, I still like the show. I'm a fan and always have been.

Many a Monday night at 8 o'clock were spent on my living room couch waiting to see what the Camden crew would be up to this episode and sort of wanting to be a part of it.

Granted it always finished just in time to switch over to Monday Night Raw.

...and that's the contradiction that was my early adolescence.

School Related Things

A couple of weeks ago, I applied for graduation. Not a particularly emotion provoking event, but a very real step in my journey towards not being a college student

Yesterday I met with Dr. Lyon to make sure I had everything I needed to graduate with my honors degree. I did, and upon completion of my thesis next semester, I will be an honors graduate of Winthrop University.

In a few weeks I will have my very last advising meeting in which I will need to tie up any loose ends to make sure I meet May with no complications. Additionally, my plans of taking my last semester easy and pretty much doing only my thesis will be spoiled by the fact that the psychology department will be offering THREE different courses that all make me want to pee my pants with excitement (prenatal behavior, advanced child development, and diversity in the family). It is also statements like that which indicate perhaps I should consider going on to grad school because, well, I'm a nerd.

In regards to things post graduation...suggestions are welcome. I'm far from being stressed about it, because I know the Lord will show me where He wants me eventually, but the thoughts I've entertained on my own are broad and diverse.

Finally, in the process of writing this, the apple I am eating in between key strokes which is sitting on my lap as oozed juice making it look like i actually have peed my pants a little. hurray!

A lust finally fulfilled...

...and it was wonderful.

ok, so maybe lust is a bit of a strong word with a negative connotation.

since my freshman year Winthrop has been promising me a new gym. spring semester of my junior year, no gym, but enough of a building to be a tease. fall of my senior year, a building, a pool, a tons of BRAND NEW CARDIO MACHINES mocking me from their place inside the building that won't open.

August 17th, not open. September 3rd, not open. September 14th, not open. But finally, today, September 17th, the brand-spanking-new and amazing West Center is open and I can finally enjoy my 20 minute run on an elliptical machine :)

I am making up for my utter lack of posting with this collection of little posts

Congratulations to me, and all my other friends who are 21, WE HAVE OUR ADULT BRAINS, physiologically speaking. Apparently, the brain is continually developing and creating new myelin sheathes (which speed up neuron communication) until you are 21, which should supposedly mean that adults can think better and faster than teenagers.

Drinking is legal at 21. Drinking kills neurons, thus making neuron communication harder....irony?

***

My heart is longing to be in a city...a big city...new york city.

***

Prenatal development is absolutely amazing, and possibly unhealthy for someone like me who wants a baby so badly (the whole marriage thing aside, biological clock, as Kat would say)

***

Jazz music is good for the soul...bottom line.

***

It's almost magical outside tonight. We are in such desperate need of rain and there are thunderstorms in the predictions...wind...colorful sunsets...and that feeling like something is going to happen...could fall really be on the way?

***

I wrote the ending last night!!

"I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love. We learn that we are loveable or unlovable from other people," Paul says. "That is why God tells us so many times to love each other."

-Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

Restless

rest-less [rest-lis] adj.

1. characterized by or showing inability to remain at rest
2. unquiet or uneasy as a person, the mind, or the heart
3. not content

what i'm getting at is that i need a swift kick in the pants. i just can't seem to get my butt in gear. i still enjoy school and i want to do my work, but i am just lacking motivation. i want to get up early and get ready, but i keep hitting the snooze. i want to make my days productive, but then i have days like today, where (no exaggeration) i keep my butt planted in front of the tv for hours aimlessly flipping through channels. About the most productive thing i did today was actually watch a movie to its completion. i surpassed unproductive.

i'm not really sure what my deal is.

lately i have just been feeling sort of discontent. perhaps i am subconsciously stressed out about all the stuff I have going on at school, but i really don't think that's it. i'm not particularly worried about what to do after graduation (although I do need a backup in case The Real World doesn't work out), but I have to admit I'd like a little more clarity in that area.

i think i'm just ready for something different...something new...something exciting...an adventure.

i'm not unhappy, but i think i keep trying to convince myself i'd be happier if only (fill in the blank with various plans and desires here). it's not good, i know the Lord needs to be my total fulfillment, but I'm having a hard time grasping that at the moment.

I'll leave you with this

I have hardly posted in months and what I have written has hardly been of any substance, so I leave you with this little bit of important information which proves how badly I need to just go ahead and go to bed.

Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance. You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver. You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

What Color Is Your Brain?

Another Summer Gone By

How in the world did we end up in Week 8 of summer already (that's not counting the 2.5 weeks of staff training)? As you can see it's been quite busy as this is the first time I've gotten around to posting anything in months.

Camp is in a good place...our staff is amazing and the Lord has been here this summer. I've dealt with more issues and been stretched in a lot of ways. I have enjoyed this summer a lot and been able to work in a capacity that is new (although lacking in the sunshine department). It's good...summer has been good...and I will be sad to see it end.


But...Bahamas is on the horizon!

Is 20 too young to be feeling very nostalgic about things?

Job Well Done

I probably wrote about this last semester, but it's worth mentioning again.

In the academic world at least, there is probably no greater feeling than walking out of an exam, shaking the professor's hand, knowing it was a good semester with a job well done...

...and I'll do it again Friday morning...and next semester...

that's why Dr. Judge has class.

Katie and I are friggin' geniouses...be on the lookout...we're going BIG time.

Abe Froman: The Sausage King of Chicago

the end of any school year really calls for a viewing of Ferris Buellers Day Off. my freshman year of college the urge hit with great strength and was unfortunately met unquenched as i at this point did not yet have my own copy. this year however, the annual viewing was only beginning to nag my brain when i stumbled across an AMC_DVD showing of the movie. It's like pop-up video for an entire movie and for a movie i'v seen over 20 some times, it was perfect. i love falling into a fix.

i was introduced to ferris when i was about 10 or 11 and i was destined to fall in love with the movie as it was released only 7 days after my birth. i will watch it practically every time it's on tv and on other occasions when the mood strikes (for i now own the dvd for myself). it's just brilliant. it encompasses that wonderful, romanticized idea of high school that so lacks reality you can't help but love it. it's full of wisdom and an attitude towards life we could all afford to adopt. plus, deep down, we all want to be a little bit like ferris.

sigh...it's just brilliant...and most definitely on my top ten movies of all time.

New Layout

I figured it was time for a new layout.

I started this thing back in 2004 and have changed absolutely nothing about it except for the ramblings I post as I find the mood striking.

Consider it part of the gradual process of becoming a more sophisticated adult.

Why do I..

...have such a knack for ruining completely tasty and wonderful food options by looking up the nutritional facts. once i KNOW exactly how bad something is for me, i feel obligated to eat something healthier.

on the one hand it's good i guess...but milkshakes and grilled stuft burritos are just so so so very tasty.

Musical Whiplash

What is so great about itunes or using the shuffle mode on an ipod is that your musical is not neccesarily arranged in any particular order so you never really know what to expect next. and it leads to really funny transitions like going from Bruce Springsteen's "Secret Garden" (complete with the sound clips from Jerry McGuire) to Bubba Sparxx's "Miss New Booty."

that's what's so great about technology kids.

Overcompensating

I am overcompensating for my total lack of posting with the previous two (incredibly provocative) posts.

I promise, I'll try harder to be a better blogger.

Where's the love...

The 11-year-old version of myself would have never believed that my love for Taylor Hanson would one day come to an end.

But the 20-year-old version of myself has concluded that Isaac has definitely outshown his brother in rugged good looks (perhaps mostly in the "rugged" department), that age has done Isaac well, and in my expert opinion, he has become the best looking Hanson brother.

I have to admit, although many of you already know, that in my old age by affinity for Hanson has far from waned, and that with each new album (yes, they did produce music after MmmBop, and it's quite excellent too) I like them more and more.

It's nice to have something that I've liked for that long...we're going on 10 years boys...here here.

A New Prophet

The Office is brilliant. If you don't watch it, you should.

One of the greatest Michael Scott quotes, or any quote for that matter, is in an episode from Season Two called Casino Night. Michael has decided, in the name of charity, to host a casino night in the warehouse at Dunder-Mifflin, which would include gambling, drinking, and other such things. Toby, being the top-notch HR pro that he is, thinks that having children at the event would be a little inappropriate. In response, Michael says: I hate so much, about the things you chose to be.

I love Toby. Sure, Jim is gorgeous, but there is something about Toby...I just love him.

So naturally, my reaction was to think that Michael, while funny, was too harsh on my boy Toby.

Little did I know, Michael Scott is actually a prophet.

See, a week or two ago, while having absolutely nothing better to do on a Friday afternoon in the tutoring lab, I was looking around The Office cast members MySpace accounts and came across Toby's, and much to my dismay (I kid you not, my heart sank just a little) under religious views Toby had listed "atheist."

How sad. Coming from my Christian perspective, it just seems to be such a dismal outlook on life, and my dear Toby is part of that.

Michael knew though.

He hates that for Toby, but ultimately all he can do is just make this sentiment known.

Michael Scott is a prophet, that doesn't suprise me really.
:)

Out

For those who are unaware...I'm going to Singapore for a few days...

see you when I get back!

A New Face for Marlie

You know, as Americans we take so much for granted. I don't think that's anything any of us have never heard before thought about on occassion. However, tonight I have been sort of overwhelmed by how fortunate we are to live in America, where we have access to clean water, food, and medical care if we need it.

Tonight I have been watching TLC and they are showing one of those surgery shows and tonight it is about a girl named Marlie who had a 16 pound liesion on her face that has completely disfigured her. She is from Haiti and was on the verge of death because it was keeping her from breathing, eating, not to mention going out in public where people thought she was cursed or a monster.

Can you imagine if that was your child?

Anyways, she was fortunte enough to be able to come to America to have a never before performed sugery and as she was going in for the first part of her operation, her mother and the two Haitian nurses who made the journey with her were singing and even praying the song "God Bless America." They aren't Americans, but because of the medical technology we have in our country, their little girl is saved. We really are blessed.

Get Up and Go

Sometimes I become very overwhelmed with the feeling that I need to go somewhere and do something. I don't mean, like go for a run (although that does happen), but do something really purposeful with my life.

I'm thinking Peace Corps.

100 You Might or Might Not Know About Me

1. I got this idea from KTB.
2. I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional right now.
3. I'm a nerd, I really like school.
4. I once made a mixed tape for a boy I liked. To this day it was probably the boldest thing I've ever done for like.
5. On most guys in most situations, I find facial hair incredibly attractive (exlcuding the solitary mustache).
6. I have been to four countries outside of the United States and have driven through or flown out of two additional ones.
7. I once spent an entire day convincing my little brother he was adopted. He later told his kindergarten teacher.
8. Carvel cake is the way to my heart.
9. Despite being raised in a church, I became a Christian at 14.
10. I've had lice.
11. I still listen to Hanson (that's including recent CDs).
12. I have been keeping a diary/journal since I was 8 1/2 years old.
13. I really like Harry Potter and sometimes wish I could go to Hogwarts.
14. I want seven kids---this could be attributed to watching a lot of 7th Heaven, but I won't say that is the sole reason.
15. I could (and sometimes do) listen to nothing but 80's music and music from musicals or Disney movies.
16. I'm 64% gross according to blogthings How Gross are You quiz.
17. Before college "exercise" was like a four letter word...and never would have been done for fun.
18. I like to blend things with the Magic Bullet.
19. I compulsively check my e-mail.
20. I cry at A Baby Story.
21. Watching Newsies makes me want to do something important and stand for something I believe in.
22. I don't watch the news or read the newspaper as much as I should to be an informed citizen.
23. Grass green is my shade of green.
24. I've gone four straight days without a shower.
25. I am pretty sure I don't want alcohol at my wedding.
26. One time in middle school, to stick it to the man, I wrote "We the People of the Back of the Room" with two fellow deviants who got sent to the back of the room.
27. Ben Moser is mostly responsible for who I am...all complaints can be directed to him.
28. Sometimes I truly think I should just have the final opinion on how things should be in the world.
29. I'm taking hip hop this semester.
30. I love taking pictures.
31. I used to want to be an actress and sometimes really regret not pursuing that dream.
32. People think I look like Katie Holmes.
33. I went to see Michael Jackson cover band last spring.
34. There are 150 people on my buddy list...I hardly talk to them all.
35. I have a copy of The Giving Tree with me at college.
36. I read non-Narnia C.S. Lewis books for fun.
37. I want to write a book and be published.
38. I don't really like talking on the phone.
39. I like to play dress up.
40. If reasonable, I would wear skirts and dresses all of the time.
41. I loathe being cold, and sometimes lose feeling in my toes when it's too cold out.
42. I collect large eyewear.
43. I was a semi-finalist for the Park Scholarship to NCSU.
44. Despite what people might think, I really don't like icebreakers.
45. I am a camp dork...seriously.
46. I did not want to go to my high school graduation.
47. I want to live in NYC for some period of my life.
48. If The Wedding Singer of Son-in-Law are on TV, I will watch it regardless of how many times I've seen them.
49. Flirting gets on my nerves.
50. I love jewelry!!!
51. I'm convinced Jesus was a good looking man.
52. I want a tatoo.
53. I believe everyone should join in on the musical of life that is already going on in my head.
54. I memorize and quote lyrics and movie lines all of the time.
55. I like to eat ice cream for breakfast.
56. I hate feet.
57. When Army recruiters kept calling me I told them I wanted to be a fasion designer and giggled a lot to get them to hang up.
58. I want to go to Africa.
59. My stomach makes weird noises all the time.
60. My watch smells but I don't want to get rid of it because it shoots lasers.
61. I caught Gregg Marshall's shirt at the last basketball game.
62. I got detention twice in middle school...once for wearing non-uniform jewelry...I told my teacher I was "expressing my individuality"...she was not impressed.
63. I am anal about color coordination.
64. I always have my toenails painted.
65. I once refused to read Gone with the Wind on the basis that it was bigger than the bible.
66. My basketball number in middle school was 12.
67. Cocoa Wheats was my absolute favorite food as a kid.
68. The only two occasions that I can remember of "having an accident" as a young child both times I tried to blame it on sitting in water (which wasn't a completely inprobable story).
69. I carry a Hello Kitty compact mirror in my purse that my dad got for me when I was like 3.
70. I have never broken a bone, but I fractured my wrist in 2nd grade roller blading in Myrtle Beach Middle School.
71. I can still derive pleasure out of watching professional wrestling.
72. I'm not gonna lie, I like poppy rap music.
73. I sort my gummy bears and M&M's by flavor/color when I eat them.
74. Cute old men make me smile.
75. Burritos and milkshakes=goodness
76. Sometimes when I listen to music about the high school, punk rock love...a part of me still wants that (even with the drama and heartache).
77. Lime is one of my favorite flavors...cherry limeade, lime chips, lime seasoned chicked...
78. I used to make up dances to Spice Girls all the time.
79. I don't floss daily like I should.
80. I did a collage on belly buttons for art class in middle school and my teacher wouldn't hang it up.
81. I want to be a judge for the National Pie contest in Florida.
82. As a kid I was really into the spy/detective thing (Harriet the Spy and Ghostwriter were favorites) so I would keep notebooks of observations and follow anything I thought was a clue (once I rode my bike around the neighbor hood following blue paint splotches).
83. On August 4, 1997 I fell in love with Jonathan Warren...that's according to my 11 year old self.
84. My dream car is a green Jeep Wrangler.
85. I have a strange fear of doors opening on my toes...like if a door opens towards me, I am always afraid someone is going to push it open and my toes and gonna get messed up.
86. I have always thought I was old for my age...it doesn't take much to convince myself that was not true.
87. I've seen the pope...three times.
88. I used to want to be on the Real World.
89. I really wanted to play the flute when I was younger but my parents told me I had to master the recorder first...it didn't happen...needless to say, I never played the flute.
90. I have an over active conscience.
91. I truly believe love is in the details.
92. I have never been in love and am quite ok with that.
93. Once, when I was around 10, I decided I was going to spend an entire day sitting in the woods...so I took my "sit-upon" and packed a lunch...I'm not sure I even made it more than an hour or so.
94. I ran away once...around the corner...sat on the side of the road...and returned shortly after.
95. I suck at emotions and communicating things that are important.
96. My brothers once told me that the sodium earthobate in hotdogs was earthworms and I did not eat hotdogs for about a year.
97. They also tried to tell my that one of my my cousin's head wasn't real...Her real head was on this really high shelf at my grandparents house.
98. I wanted to be Clarissa from Clarissa Explains It All...I also wanted to be Alex Mack.
99. I saw Sharon, Lois, and Bram in concert.
100. I am a pack rat.

Take that 2006---2007 is about to rock the house down

I have met this new year with an especially high degree of excitement and enthusiasm, unnatural or abnormal even...but I am quite enjoying it this way.

I love how the new year (or school year or semester or first of the month or sunday or really any beginning) somehow conjures up in us the great sense of empowerment. It is as if, for some reason when the calendar page flips from one year into the next we are suddenly much more motivated and capable of achieving the goals, breaking the habits, or losing the weight we have been carrying around for years, previously unable to do anything about.

I say this not to mock new years resolutions, but to smile at the fact that for some amount of time we are all a little unsensibly idealistic. In fact, I have a long history of making new year's resolutions almost all of which (if not absolutely all) have never been achieved. In fact, because I am a chronic overachiever and tend to take on a "go big or go home" mentality, I actually have a habit of making an entire list of reasonably obtainable new year's resolution that so divides my attention that as a result not a single one gets the attention or dedication deserved to make it a reality. In fact, these resolutions were so significant that I remember practically none of them; although I do recall several resolutions to lose weight, work out, eat healthy, give up soda, give up candy, and other such things. In addition I pledged other things like to stop popping my knuckles, do all the reading for classes, and I believe once I even made a resolution to smooch the object of my middle school heart's affection (I'm that cool, yes, I know).

I share all this juciness for the sole purpose of saying that this new year I am truly about to burst with excitement about what's in store for the next few months (at least). I feel like God is up to something in my life, and it's a refreshing feeling to have, one that is an answer to months worth of prayers. I know I am a nerd, but I feel like God is putting more passion into my school work, I COULDN'T SLEEP THE NIGHT BEFORE CLASSES. I sat excited, about to pee my pants, in each new class, just wanting to learn new things. This isn't just academically. I feel like a time of hardcore spiritual growth is on the horizon for 2007. He is calling me to spend more time with Him and has been making it an urgency in my life (which is awesome) and revealing so much to me about my relationship with Him and bringing forth a lot of things I need to deal with to experience more freedom and joy! It's so exciting. Overall just a sense of excitement about life in general and a desire to learn and grow.

I might pee my pants just thinking about it, which wouldn't be too hard because one of my new years resolutions is to drink the recommended amount of water each day ;)

It looks like my future husband has some competition

So, I have always had this little joke that I would pretty much marry a guy who wrote a song for me, we'll whoever he is, he has quite a high standard to meet because today, today, I got my very own song...merry christmas.

Be Like Brooke

She's the queen of the swingers, oh, the Rockfish VIP

She's reached the top and had to stop and that's what's botherin' me

I want to be like Brooke and stroll right in to town

with my big sunglasses on my face

I'm tired of monkeying around.

Oh do be do, I wanna be like Brooke

I wanna walk like Brooke, talk like Brooke too

You see it's true, a girl like me, can learn to be

just like Brooke too.

Katie B and grace are perhaps the silliest little girls I know, but I guess I should get used to it, because it looks like I'm marrying them! ::wink:: I have such cool friends.

Well I Guess This is Growing Up

Maybe you've experienced it, maybe you haven't...but sometimes there are moments in life when you just realize you're growing up. Not neccesarily anything tragic or lifechanging (although, that will certainly do it), but those moments when you just sort of realize that things that you've clung to or enjoyed in the past just aren't as interesting anymore, or that you are just ready to be beyond things that are sort of immature, yet quite a natural part of growing up. It's kind of a hard feeling to explain, though I guarentee most of you will start feeling it soon.

It's kind of been like that lately...just coming to realize that, I'm growing up.

To be honest, I always have thought of myself as mentally being a lot older than my chronological age at anytime (starting in at least middle school), but it doesn't take much to realize how wrong I was, but the other day I was thinking about the first week of college, how completely overwhelming that was. It was never so overwhelming I just had a mental breakdown or anything, but even in the past two years and I see where I have grown up. One particular instance that came to mind was one of the many trips I took to Thomson by myself freshman year (which I didn't mind and still like doing on occasion). It was one of the first days of school and at this point I only knew how to get to Thomson by one particular route. Well, somewhere in the process, I walked down a different road, arrived at Thomson, but had no clue which door to go in to get to the cafeteria. I must have looked lost, even though I am sure I was doing my best to pretend like I knew where I was going, because some girl was like "You can get to the caf from that door" and of course (secretly releaved) I responded "Oh yeah, I know." But even small things like that, heh, were just a few years ago college seemed like such a big deal and now I am wanting to be part of a big, grand adventure.

Anywho, what brought this on is that in the past few days I have had a few instances in where I felt my adult mind starting to kick in:

1. I felt this desire to subscribe to a professional journal
2. I want to host a dinner party
3. I realized I chose to listen to (and enjoyed) the Adult Alternative station on Launchcast

So there you go. That's pretty much all I have to say on this for right now, and yes, I get a chuckle out of the fact that a post of growing up can have a title so very connected to the middleschool version of myself.

Sucker!

There have only been two instances in my college career where I can truly say I felt like a complete sucker...where someone's really pulled one over on me....both times professors...

the first was in my Political Science 201 class with Dr. Belk (who is amazing by the way). So, this is my first semester in college, in one of the first honors classes I have ever taken here at Winthrop. One of the first days Dr. Belk hands out a "pop quiz." After freaking out about it being a pop quiz and knowing full and well I didn't know the answers to most of the questions, I turn in my quiz. Then we grade them. I got a 20...In a few brief seconds, my academic world comes crashing down. Almost to the point of tears, thinking there was simply no way I was going to cut it in college...Dr. Belk smiles and says "This is the intelligence test they used to administer to decide who could vote. You are educated people and still you couldn't answer the questions, what does that say about this method?" Punked.

the second instance, happened this past Monday. In my tests and measurement class we have been taking a series of personality tests to see how consistent the results are. So, in class, Dr. Daugherty hands out a sheet of paper with our NEO "scores" and an "interpreation" of these scores. Naturally, I am excited to see what my answers reveal about me. I'm reading through the first paragraph and I am thinking to myself "daggum, this about hit the nail on the head" then, being the slow reader that I am, Dr. Daugherty interupts before I am done reading to say, "So how accurate do you feel like these interpretations are?" Then procedes to tell us everyone got the same interpretation, but because they were common experiences and generally free to interpretation statements, we saw in them the similarities to our own experiences. Punked again.

now i just need to pull one over on someone...

"Thank God I'm a Country Boy..."

No...I'm not watching Son in Law...

So, I'm sitting here, enjoying the fact there is no class because of Election Day...I've been almost entirely unproductive...and naturally, I start listening to John Denver...actually I don't really know what moved me to do so, but I came across the classic "Take Me Home Country Roads"...West Virginia's state song.

I'm from West Virginia...I have very fond memories of West Virginia as a child, but honestly, I cannot imagine who I would be if I had lived there my whole life. We moved when I was 8, so all those vital, character forming stages like middle school were in Myrtle Beach, but sometimes I try to think about how my life would be if I were still in West Virginia and I just can' t do it. The things that most form my personality I never would have experienced or been a part of if I lived there. I don't know where I'm going with this...I'd like to go visit West Virginia I think.

Welcome to the Office

So today I was introduced to my new favorite TV show, The Office. Seriously, I had tears pouring out of my eyes during a few of the episodes.

I must say, themed parties really just are more fun, we should have them more often. Katie B and Grace...here's to you!

Good party, co-workers. See you Monday, 9 sharp.

The working boys of Rock Hill.

Katie Katie and Brooke Inc.

Katie and I after a hard-days work. We got the Dundee for wearing ties.

Best Boss Ever and Assisant to the Regional Director

Right Hand Day

So, today was more or less one of the best days ever...just one of those days when things just seem to go right and beyond.

First, the EAGLE has landed. Katie B and I watched the installation of the eagle statue...that's right, we were part of Winthrop history, we got interviewed and everything. Naturally, I dubbed myself student representative and wanted to get in on some handshake action with DiGorgio, but it failed and we just stood back and kept ourselves entertained for the entire hour and fifteen minutes we spent waiting for this to go down.

Work was rather entertaining. I got a lot of reading done in Harry Potter and I got interviewed for the Winthrop channel to talk about the TRiO program and what I do as a tutor. That's right, I'm pretty much famous around these parts.

THEN...I witnessed a truly momentous occasion. Stephen cut his hair, and I was there to witness it. It looks good, I think a new stage of life is going to be beginning.

But wait, things get better. Dinner...let me just say, total UPGRADE. Thomson was serving steak, and it was good steak....really good steak...with A1 sauce and steak fries. The tea was good AND they had dirt cups for dessert. This is all on a Friday night mind you...I never eat in Thomson but the cafeteria gods were with us tonight.

Katie B and I hit up an improv comedy show after all of this and it really made me wish I had pursued the whole acting thing a little more. I really enjoy performing, and I'm pretty alright at it, I'm comfortable with it. Although, I don't think the theatre scene or lifestyle is really for me...but part of me would like to dabble in that a little more.

Then the night topped off with HIGH QUALITY hanging out with Lil Katie and Mags. Ahh, we never get to hang out just us these days...and what better way to do that then with The Notebook. That movie gets me everytime...I won't lie...I teared a little.

After the movie we just sat on the couch, three in a row, and looked at my scrapbook from freshman year. We've grown up, and pretty soon we're going to be real grown-ups and that is a scary thought.

And now, I am going to sleep in my comfy little university provided bed, with clean sheets and everything as Queen sings me sweet lullabyes.

gloriously silly

so i am sitting here...well i was laying on my bed, completely ready to go to sleep and wanting to get a good night's sleep yet I find myself wide awake in an absolutely gloriously giddy mood...just sort of tickled with life and my own silliness i suppose. the sort of mood that makes me want to listen to catchy pop songs and dance around my room in my pjs...wait, i already did that.

i love when good moods just blindside you!

life really is good....God is good...he loves me...and you too.

Things from years ago

Right now I am watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on the Disney channel. I haven't seen this movie in years, I love it, but it's been awhile.

However, while I am sitting here I can't help but think back to when this movie first came out in theatres. Man, did Harry Potter hit the world big time. So much publicity surrounding the books and then all the excitement when the movie came out. Ahh, but what I really remember is that on opening night my mom took my little brother and I to see the movie. Going to the movies with mom was always a little bit of a treat but I just remember her taking us to go even though she hadn't read the books and probably had no real desire to see it. But we were there, with all the other excited kids of all ages hanging on every moment of the movie...I can't help but become a little nostalgic.

Also, Thursday night after Crusade we watched The Little Mermaid. Naturally singing took place and the excitement build around the viewing resembled something of the excitment from when I was a little girl. But what was really great was during the part where the chef is chasign Sabstian all over the kitchen I had a very distinct memory from when I was a little girl. My brother's and I made up a game based on that part of the movie. Someone had to be the chef and everyone else was some kind of sea creature waiting to be eaten and you had to get up to the top bunk and under the covers before the chef got you...mind you the game was complete with lines from the movie and four little kids laughing in their best french accents...

sigh, i miss that.

Peabody is an interesting and entertaining place at 2:58 on a Friday afternoon. Boys are just entertaining as they attempt to kill the two minutes before the weight room opens...

you know how when you are a little kid, and something happens that you're involved in and someone asks you a question like "what happened?" and your response is "i don't know."--maybe even you give a little shoulder shrug and that cool walk away thing kids do (or 20 year olds). but then if the person is really lucky you might provide some insight into situation which really is an effort to just provide anything to get whoever to leave you alone and you say something like "devin did it". yeah...astronomy makes me feel like a little kid and i just want to shrug my shoulders and be like "i don't know...God did it."

i really like doing laundry...and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...that's why i plan on making it my profession...

...rain on concrete...

I Don't Normally Get Attached to TV Personalities but...

He's gone...and that really does make me sad.

today i felt quite small

im ok with that

Peru has pretty much been amazing so far. I have had some amazing food and we have had a lot of laughs. Plus we are working on two different churches in Lima and tomorrow afternoon we are going to go to an orphanage to play with the kids and drop off some toys and old clothes and such.

I could enjoy living in Peru I think, I just need to work on my Spanish.

ah, and i ate beef heart today, who would have thunk it?

some of the funniest things that happen at camp, i swear, involve a toilet....last summer it was singing to Will on the toilet...and tonight, it was cleaning the nastiest toilet (in the boy's bathroom mind you) i have ever seen in my entire life...two rolls of toilet paper jammed down in it, an explosive case of human excrement and to top it off the stall door was locked and there was more "mess" on the floor, so i climbed over the stall praying my foot wouldn't go straight in the toilet and got to work...fortunately i can't smell because i have a sinus infection.

at one point, as i was trying to plunge this lovely thing, it splashed....all on my leg...so i ran out and immediately grabbed a bottle of sanitizer and sprayed my leg down...yeah...i love final cleanup