I'll preface this entry by stating that a blog entry about my biggest insecurity is definitely a stretch for someone who hates being vulnerable and is terrible with emotions, but I'll do my best to explain myself coherently. I had a hard time even trying to come up with a visual representation for Day 18's challenge, but this is what I settled on so we'll make it work (and it's a book by Weird Al, how awesome is that).
Given the picture above, one might easily assume that my biggest insecurity has to do with what I will do with my life in terms of a job and what the future holds for me professionally. Well, that would be wrong. I don't really have any sort of long term plan or goal in terms of my job simply because as long as I'm happy in the job I'm doing (which I currently am) that's what I'll do and I'll move on when that changes. I know that philosophy doesn't jive with everyone, but it is what it is and the future really isn't up to me anyways.
What I AM really insecure about is whether or not I'll actually ever fully leverage my life, professionally and otherwise, for the gospel. Or to put it another way, find my purpose and passion and just go all out for it. Here's the thing...I don't really have a niche. I'm decent at plenty of things, but there's never been one thing I've been a rockstar at (and I am NOT saying that to try to get some sort of compliment). I guess I'm just afraid I'll never understand the exact gifts God's given me and find a way to use them in a way that gives personal fulfillment and kingdom purpose.
Well, now I'm just as worn out as a lady can get about talking about my feelings, so I'm gonna go get a cookie.
1 comment:
For whatever it's worth, I totally felt the same way you do for a long time. It wasn't until recently (like post-marriage) that I began to think that writing may be what my purpose and passion is.
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