The response I get from a two-year-old when telling her to get her finger out of her nose:
"I'm just gettin' something."
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Bad Popcorn
I don't think I have ever had bad popcorn, until tonight.
It's 11 o'clock and after exhausting myself with The Great SweeTart Debate, I come to my room looking for a little snack.
Popcorn sounds good, well I didn't say it and it doesn't make a noise until after you already start popping it, but you know what I mean. So I pop my popcorn, grab a handful and am quite distraught to discover it's just not that good.
I am hypothesizing it's because it's old and the butter had gone some kind of bad because it just doesn't taste right.
I am still hungry and I am still eating the bad popcorn.
I really should head to bed sometime soon, I actually do have an exam tomorrow and need to be all well rested and refreshed for that. I am really not that worried about it. It's CTQR and I haven't made anything less than a 90 on the tests and I studied about three hours this afternoon, so I think I am good.
I was reading through Acts 15 today and I came across a verse that I found particularly encouraging. It said:
"And God, who knows the human heart, testified to them by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as he did to us, and in cleansing their hearts by faith he has made no distinction between them and us." -verse 8
One thing that I really stuggle with is a feeling of inadequacy and constantly comparing myself to others who I find to be stronger, smarter, or better than I am in whatever way, particularly spiritually. A lot of times I will find myself focusing so much on the attributes I admire in them and wishing I could acquire the same gifts, thus completely disregarding and paying no attention to the gifts God has blessed me with.
This verse though, is like God leveling the playing field, saying that there is no class system or hierarchy amongst believers. That no one person is better than anyone else, just different. The different gifts in the body are something God has been making me aware of the past few months since I have been at school.
I am just coming into realizing that gifts come in so many shapes and forms and not everyone is meant to have the same gifts. God designed each and every one of us with a particular skill and gift to offer in order to follow His command and expand His kingdom. I love when I gain some kind of inkling of knowledge of God's big ol' plan for it all.
I am probably not going to bed, but I will leave it here for tonight.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
I can't sleep so I am writing This
I'm not tired, and I'm not sure why, but I feel like writing...maybe it will help me sleep.
I am coming to recognize a fear I have.
I fear meaningless relationships.
I don't mean that in the sense of a phobia type fear where I am deathly afraid of people with whom I have no meaningful, close, personal connection, but rather I fear being involved in a relationship that was at once thought to be meaningful but that later would prove itself not to be so.
Don't let anything you say be a line!
I guess a lot of this fear, or rather what would cause a relationship to prove itself meaningless is for there to be a lack a genuiness in a relationship, romantic or otherwise. I suppose personally the fear comes from my idealistic belief that every relationship should be different and unique and it is when we start to treat all relationships the same they lose their meaning.
It's like, you know how you have a good memory or experience with someone and in a weird and childish sort of jealous way you don't want them to have that same kind of experience with anyone else. That's what I fear. I repetition of my memories with someone else.
Maybe it's just me.
I just know I place a lot of value on the relationships I have with people and it kills me to think others don't place the same value on the relationships they have with me.
I'm going to go lay down now, it's late, or rather, early....
I am coming to recognize a fear I have.
I fear meaningless relationships.
I don't mean that in the sense of a phobia type fear where I am deathly afraid of people with whom I have no meaningful, close, personal connection, but rather I fear being involved in a relationship that was at once thought to be meaningful but that later would prove itself not to be so.
Don't let anything you say be a line!
I guess a lot of this fear, or rather what would cause a relationship to prove itself meaningless is for there to be a lack a genuiness in a relationship, romantic or otherwise. I suppose personally the fear comes from my idealistic belief that every relationship should be different and unique and it is when we start to treat all relationships the same they lose their meaning.
It's like, you know how you have a good memory or experience with someone and in a weird and childish sort of jealous way you don't want them to have that same kind of experience with anyone else. That's what I fear. I repetition of my memories with someone else.
Maybe it's just me.
I just know I place a lot of value on the relationships I have with people and it kills me to think others don't place the same value on the relationships they have with me.
I'm going to go lay down now, it's late, or rather, early....
Monday, December 06, 2004
Encouragement
So today I was reading through Acts 14 and I came across this verse that I found particularly inspiring:
"There they strengthened the souls of the disciples and encouraged them to continue in the faith, saying 'It is through many persecutions that we must enter the kingdom of God."
-verse 22
Now keep in mind, this is after Paul was stoned in Lystra and dragged out of the city thought to be dead, and he still continues on his journey and is encouraging others!
Paul amazes me. Really.
One thing I have been coming to realize lately is that importance of encouraging one another. It's kind of funny, as I was reading this verse I realized my bookmark has 1 Thessalonians 5:11 on it which says "Encourage one another and build each other up." Think maybe this is what God wanted me to learn today?
But seriously, I have always enjoyed encouraging people and making them smile on just a regular basis, but it is as of late that I have been realizing the importance to encourage people in their faith. It is a role that God calls us to play and it is acted out so beautifully by Paul throughout the book of Acts.
I don't really have anything eloquent to say on this at the moment, but it's just the simple realization of something small that we can all do to help build up God's kingdom.
Therefore, to all reading this:
I encourage you to keep on keeping on.
I encourage you to seek out God's will and to open your hearts to Him.
I encourage you to smile, laugh, and find joy.
I encourage you to invest in others.
I encourage you to say thank you to the cafeteria workers and the lady who cleans our bathrooms.
I encourage you to pray, and talk to God as a friend, buddy-buddy.
I encourage you to listen to happy music.
I encourage you to read children's poetry and relish in Dr. Seuss.
I encourage you to color, to dance, and to sing at the top of your lungs.
I encourage you stop and watch clouds.
I encourage you to be bold, and to speak out for what you believe in.
I encourage you to do what is right.
I encourage you to think.
I encourage you to notice the little things.
I encourage you to spend more time thanking God for the millions of blessings He has given rather than asking Him for things that we probably don't even need.
And in the spirit of it being finals week, I encourage you to study (like I'm not doing right now)
"There they strengthened the souls of the disciples and encouraged them to continue in the faith, saying 'It is through many persecutions that we must enter the kingdom of God."
-verse 22
Now keep in mind, this is after Paul was stoned in Lystra and dragged out of the city thought to be dead, and he still continues on his journey and is encouraging others!
Paul amazes me. Really.
One thing I have been coming to realize lately is that importance of encouraging one another. It's kind of funny, as I was reading this verse I realized my bookmark has 1 Thessalonians 5:11 on it which says "Encourage one another and build each other up." Think maybe this is what God wanted me to learn today?
But seriously, I have always enjoyed encouraging people and making them smile on just a regular basis, but it is as of late that I have been realizing the importance to encourage people in their faith. It is a role that God calls us to play and it is acted out so beautifully by Paul throughout the book of Acts.
I don't really have anything eloquent to say on this at the moment, but it's just the simple realization of something small that we can all do to help build up God's kingdom.
Therefore, to all reading this:
I encourage you to keep on keeping on.
I encourage you to seek out God's will and to open your hearts to Him.
I encourage you to smile, laugh, and find joy.
I encourage you to invest in others.
I encourage you to say thank you to the cafeteria workers and the lady who cleans our bathrooms.
I encourage you to pray, and talk to God as a friend, buddy-buddy.
I encourage you to listen to happy music.
I encourage you to read children's poetry and relish in Dr. Seuss.
I encourage you to color, to dance, and to sing at the top of your lungs.
I encourage you stop and watch clouds.
I encourage you to be bold, and to speak out for what you believe in.
I encourage you to do what is right.
I encourage you to think.
I encourage you to notice the little things.
I encourage you to spend more time thanking God for the millions of blessings He has given rather than asking Him for things that we probably don't even need.
And in the spirit of it being finals week, I encourage you to study (like I'm not doing right now)
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Obedience
Lately I have been working my way through the books of Exodus and Acts, and if there is one message that rings loud and clear throughout my readings thus far, it's obedience.
Moses, to say the least, was a rather obedient lil fella. I mean he wasn't exactly keen on the entire confronting Pharaoh and freeing the Isrealites, but he knew that it was his job to follow God's command. It amazes me how many times throughout the story of Moses it just outright says "Moses and Aaron did just as the Lord commanded."
How amazing is that, no ifs, ands, or, buts, or hesitations about just purely and simply carrying out God's command. And it wasn't just one time. It was each and every time God came up with a new way to prove himself to Pharaoh that Aaron and Moses were just like "OK-let's go." It's exciting.
The Apostles were no different as you go through Acts--they were simply carrying out the same command we are all called to do which is to spread the Good News of Jesus. And in many ways the Apostles were facing just as much opposition as Aaron and Moses. But regardless of what forces opposed them, they were obedient, and that is amazing.
Sometimes I am not very obedient.
I guess, in the worldly sense I am. I mean, as far as following rules go, I can do that. I didn't break curfew or backtalk to my mom. I wasn't a regular in detention (although I did land myself in there twice in middle school--once because wearing beaded necklaces was against uniform policy and I argued it was hindering my individuality) and my conscience wouldn't let me skip school (even though I had no qualms about getting "personal field trip forms" to stay home or go to Durham :) ). But in general, I wasn't blatantly going against any preestablished commandments just for the heck of it.
When it comes to God, however, sometimes I'm not such a good kid. There are times when I try to quiet God's voice so I can go along my merry way or when I gossip or lie or get angry or stress and worry that just keep me from following the commands God has laid out.
In Exodus 19:5-6 it says:
"Now therefore, if you obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession out of all the peoples. Indeed, the whole earth is mine, but you shall be for me a priestly kingdom and a holy nation."
Now how stupid am I do deny myself being God's "treasured possession" because 9 times out of 10 I just don't feel like being obedient? I'm telling you, human nature makes us kind of stupid sometimes.
I feel like though, the biggest way that I am disobeying God in my life right now, is just by not trusting in Him and surrending every aspect of my life to Him.
I worry. I'm petty. I allow myself to get upset over things I shouldn't care about. Why? Because I am not trusting God the way I should be. Matthew 6:25-34 sums it all up perfectly saying "do not worry about your life" (25) and "indeed your heavenly Father knows what you need" (32).
I need to "seek first the kingdom of God" (33), I believe that it is then I will be spared falling victim to the stupider portion of the human emotional spectrum.
Moses, to say the least, was a rather obedient lil fella. I mean he wasn't exactly keen on the entire confronting Pharaoh and freeing the Isrealites, but he knew that it was his job to follow God's command. It amazes me how many times throughout the story of Moses it just outright says "Moses and Aaron did just as the Lord commanded."
How amazing is that, no ifs, ands, or, buts, or hesitations about just purely and simply carrying out God's command. And it wasn't just one time. It was each and every time God came up with a new way to prove himself to Pharaoh that Aaron and Moses were just like "OK-let's go." It's exciting.
The Apostles were no different as you go through Acts--they were simply carrying out the same command we are all called to do which is to spread the Good News of Jesus. And in many ways the Apostles were facing just as much opposition as Aaron and Moses. But regardless of what forces opposed them, they were obedient, and that is amazing.
Sometimes I am not very obedient.
I guess, in the worldly sense I am. I mean, as far as following rules go, I can do that. I didn't break curfew or backtalk to my mom. I wasn't a regular in detention (although I did land myself in there twice in middle school--once because wearing beaded necklaces was against uniform policy and I argued it was hindering my individuality) and my conscience wouldn't let me skip school (even though I had no qualms about getting "personal field trip forms" to stay home or go to Durham :) ). But in general, I wasn't blatantly going against any preestablished commandments just for the heck of it.
When it comes to God, however, sometimes I'm not such a good kid. There are times when I try to quiet God's voice so I can go along my merry way or when I gossip or lie or get angry or stress and worry that just keep me from following the commands God has laid out.
In Exodus 19:5-6 it says:
"Now therefore, if you obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession out of all the peoples. Indeed, the whole earth is mine, but you shall be for me a priestly kingdom and a holy nation."
Now how stupid am I do deny myself being God's "treasured possession" because 9 times out of 10 I just don't feel like being obedient? I'm telling you, human nature makes us kind of stupid sometimes.
I feel like though, the biggest way that I am disobeying God in my life right now, is just by not trusting in Him and surrending every aspect of my life to Him.
I worry. I'm petty. I allow myself to get upset over things I shouldn't care about. Why? Because I am not trusting God the way I should be. Matthew 6:25-34 sums it all up perfectly saying "do not worry about your life" (25) and "indeed your heavenly Father knows what you need" (32).
I need to "seek first the kingdom of God" (33), I believe that it is then I will be spared falling victim to the stupider portion of the human emotional spectrum.
Monday, November 22, 2004
What a Kid
What a kid
If I ever need a good laugh, this kid is a good source...and the watermelon on his head is not even the funniest thing he ever did. Check out his song....
If youre sitting on the john and the toilet paper's gone
Friends are there to help you
If you fall on your face and it's a big disgrace
Friends are there to help you
If youre digging in a hole and you find a dead mole
Friends are there to help you (bury it)
If youre making a shirt and you start to flirt
Friends are there to help you
If a girls so hot that she melts your snot
Friends are there to help you
It goes on and on...now you guys make up verses and post them!
Blissfully Unproductive
After a rousing game of kickball at midnight with a bunch of the Crusade kids on Thursday, someone suggested something to the effect that college should consist of hanging out, a Interpersonal Relationships 101 sort of thing. Wouldn't that be nice.
This past weekend was probably the closest I will ever get to that sort of the arrangement. I did absolutely nothing productive all weekend, and yes, it was nice.
In reality my weekend basically started Thursday night, seeing as how I skipped my 10 o'clock class on Friday morning, and made a brief appearance at Math at 12 to go over the troublesome mathematic concepts of mean, median, and mode (and yes, I am paying money to learn this). And that was the extent of my productivity.
Friday well afternoon we went and saw The Incredibles, then Zaxby's for dinner, and on to the Roasting Company for Rique's band's show. Each and every facet of that was molto bene. After that Erica, her friend Erin, and I went to Richardson and watched The Secret Window with some of the boys from BCM.
Saturday I slept in, which is rare for me, and didn't even care that I woke up at 11:40, got some food and then watched the Clemson/Carolina game with a bunch of the girls on the floor in Reagan and Amy's room. That was fun, let me tell you, and even more fun when you aren't emotionally attached to either team and can just add funny commentary at all the appropriate moments. Then Sarah, Shannon and I went to Jessica, Leslie, and Sarah's house, picked up Leslie and visited Jessica at work in Tega Cay. She works at Cliffard's Cafe and the pizza there is quite good. After that, it was movie night (again)--Meet the Parents and Raising Helen...good times.
I must say Sunday was even less productive. Another lazy morning, one of the advantages of going to church at night. I really didn't do much, I went to dinner with KTB, Reagan, Amy, Sabrina, and Erica then off to church with Sarah...It was good times.
After church I unfortunately had to do the one piece of homework, reading a chapter in Government, which took me four hours, because I was allowing myself plenty of distractions.
Wow, this was an incredibly boring entry. So I will leave with this one final thought.
I am coming to realize more and more, that any time is better spent in the presence of good company. Whether its a much needed break from studying in the wee hours of the morning, a good conversation (even if it is only on AIM), or just hanging out...good company is essential and God has blessed me with good people here. Yeah...in the words of Maggie, good company is "mentally and spiritually rejuvinating"
I promise next time will be something slightly more intriguing
This past weekend was probably the closest I will ever get to that sort of the arrangement. I did absolutely nothing productive all weekend, and yes, it was nice.
In reality my weekend basically started Thursday night, seeing as how I skipped my 10 o'clock class on Friday morning, and made a brief appearance at Math at 12 to go over the troublesome mathematic concepts of mean, median, and mode (and yes, I am paying money to learn this). And that was the extent of my productivity.
Friday well afternoon we went and saw The Incredibles, then Zaxby's for dinner, and on to the Roasting Company for Rique's band's show. Each and every facet of that was molto bene. After that Erica, her friend Erin, and I went to Richardson and watched The Secret Window with some of the boys from BCM.
Saturday I slept in, which is rare for me, and didn't even care that I woke up at 11:40, got some food and then watched the Clemson/Carolina game with a bunch of the girls on the floor in Reagan and Amy's room. That was fun, let me tell you, and even more fun when you aren't emotionally attached to either team and can just add funny commentary at all the appropriate moments. Then Sarah, Shannon and I went to Jessica, Leslie, and Sarah's house, picked up Leslie and visited Jessica at work in Tega Cay. She works at Cliffard's Cafe and the pizza there is quite good. After that, it was movie night (again)--Meet the Parents and Raising Helen...good times.
I must say Sunday was even less productive. Another lazy morning, one of the advantages of going to church at night. I really didn't do much, I went to dinner with KTB, Reagan, Amy, Sabrina, and Erica then off to church with Sarah...It was good times.
After church I unfortunately had to do the one piece of homework, reading a chapter in Government, which took me four hours, because I was allowing myself plenty of distractions.
Wow, this was an incredibly boring entry. So I will leave with this one final thought.
I am coming to realize more and more, that any time is better spent in the presence of good company. Whether its a much needed break from studying in the wee hours of the morning, a good conversation (even if it is only on AIM), or just hanging out...good company is essential and God has blessed me with good people here. Yeah...in the words of Maggie, good company is "mentally and spiritually rejuvinating"
I promise next time will be something slightly more intriguing
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
God's Team
"After this he went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax booth; and he said to him 'Follow me.' And he got up, left everything, and followed him. Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house; and there was a large crowd of tax collectors and others sitting at the table with them. The Pharisees and their scribes were complaining to his disciples saying, 'Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?' Jesus answered, 'Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I have come to call not the righteous but sinners to repentence.'" -Luke 5:27-32
God so much desires to use us. To do great things through us. We just have to get up and go.
I think sometimes my problem is, I desire to do great things, I honestly have heart to serve God in a big way, but that so often I loose focus on the little great things that happen or that I could do everyday.
I want to invest in people the way God invests in me. More than just holding doors and flashing a smile, but talking to people, getting to know them, and find out where they are with God. Even if its not finding out where they are with God, just finding out how they are doing. really.
Talking, real conversation, not just small talk, is so important.
Too many people lack people who care about them. I am incredibly blessed. I have an amazing community of people who love me and who I love dearly. People who "have nothing better to do than worry about [me]" ( I told you I would quote you dear!). People who really care. Its an amazing thing to know you are blessed with love.
I am tired.
Oh yeah, by the way, God's been talking to me again...it's good times.
If you quiet yourself, and look into your heart and see sin, brokenness, incompleteness, inadequacies, failure, ugliness...Rejoice...God is calling you. Because "Jesus is not looking for people who have something to offer. He is looking for people who are willing to accept His offer and follow Him."
God so much desires to use us. To do great things through us. We just have to get up and go.
I think sometimes my problem is, I desire to do great things, I honestly have heart to serve God in a big way, but that so often I loose focus on the little great things that happen or that I could do everyday.
I want to invest in people the way God invests in me. More than just holding doors and flashing a smile, but talking to people, getting to know them, and find out where they are with God. Even if its not finding out where they are with God, just finding out how they are doing. really.
Talking, real conversation, not just small talk, is so important.
Too many people lack people who care about them. I am incredibly blessed. I have an amazing community of people who love me and who I love dearly. People who "have nothing better to do than worry about [me]" ( I told you I would quote you dear!). People who really care. Its an amazing thing to know you are blessed with love.
I am tired.
Oh yeah, by the way, God's been talking to me again...it's good times.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Stagnant
"Because, I got to get out of here/ I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake/ I got to get out of here/ And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape" - "Be My Escape" Relient K
Man, I am in such a weird place with God right now, and the worst part is, I don't even know how I got here. It is like it just blindsided me one idle Tuesday night that I am nowhere near where I should be in my faith and that for the life of me I CAN'T HEAR GOD. He is being so quiet right. And it has been awhile now.
And it's not just hearing God, it's feeling Him. Feeling His presence in my heart and in the world around me.
I know, that faith cannot be a feeling. That we all must go through valleys and dark nights in order to truly appreciate and understand all the amazing and beautiful things God has done for us, and to recognize our own inability to accomplish anything and our desperate need to cling to His strength, but for crying out loud...give me something to feel.
What scares me is that I feel so stagnant--in a rut--apathetic almost. And I hate it. And what I hate more is that I recognize all these feelings, and no matter how much I am praying about them I don't seem to feel any different. It's like I know God is there, that He has some amazing truth to reveal to me, and an awesome plan laid out for me, but for right now, I just feel inadequate.
I feel like I am doing nothing to serve God with my life. Like I have no ministry, no outlet through which to spread the Word of God and to do His will and share his Love. And when I pray, it's not the same peace I used to find.
It's all so very hard to explain, especially because I know that it is all a matter of patience and willingness to seek God despite His being quiet.
I am part of the problem.
Because of this weird state, I have not been spending the time with God that I know I need to be in order to get back on track with Him, in order to best prepare myself for the things He will say when He once again puts His voice in my ear. I need to center myself on His Word, and make my heart vulnerable to His will.
Perhaps though, He is almost ready to speak, because in the past few weeks God has been laying things on my heart and giving me an insight that I never had before. I am coming to realize just how huge prayer is, and how persistent we MUST be in our conversations with God. I am digging into God's Word, looking for answers. I am aware of the blessings God has placed in my life, especially by means of relationships. I am basking in God's beauty in the world He created. I feel called to speak out for purity and life. The list is forever growing. And it's invigorating. I am once again starting to feel a call and enthusiasm for ministry, for action, for something.
I don't think I will ever quite understand God.
I guess that's ok.
Things are looking up. And maybe if I would look up a little more, I would see things more clearly.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Election Day Hooplah
Well the Redskins lost their last homegame before the election so Bush is doomed to loose I suppose. Such is not the case, in fact, he is ahead in the game right now 207 to 199 Electorial votes, with a strong hold in several of the reamaining states.
I must admit this makes me rather happy, I did in fact vote for Bush, even though in all reality I don't truly think either candidate is the best choice, nor can I say I fully support eithers platform completely, but I went with some moral convictions on this one. I feel better with Bush in office, I don't trust Kerry. But the election aside....
Today has been a fantastic day, tis true, tis very true.
First off--No Class, which was much needed. That of course led to sleeping in a bit and enjoying a long shower to start the day off. Lunch followed and what is more, Thompson had sprinkles for the ice cream--yessah, that makes it a good day.
However, I would say really the highlight of my day was getting the new Relient K CD. Oh man, the lyrics absolutely blow me away. The album, overall, has a much harder sound and is definitely more mature than all their other stuff. No goofy songs on this CD, and for those who liked them based mainly on their sense of humor, probably will not care for this CD. I however, enjoy it enough to have listened to it 9 times already today.
Molto Bene.
I must admit this makes me rather happy, I did in fact vote for Bush, even though in all reality I don't truly think either candidate is the best choice, nor can I say I fully support eithers platform completely, but I went with some moral convictions on this one. I feel better with Bush in office, I don't trust Kerry. But the election aside....
Today has been a fantastic day, tis true, tis very true.
First off--No Class, which was much needed. That of course led to sleeping in a bit and enjoying a long shower to start the day off. Lunch followed and what is more, Thompson had sprinkles for the ice cream--yessah, that makes it a good day.
However, I would say really the highlight of my day was getting the new Relient K CD. Oh man, the lyrics absolutely blow me away. The album, overall, has a much harder sound and is definitely more mature than all their other stuff. No goofy songs on this CD, and for those who liked them based mainly on their sense of humor, probably will not care for this CD. I however, enjoy it enough to have listened to it 9 times already today.
Molto Bene.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
(no subject)
I feel like writing but I really dont have anything to say right now, or at least not anything that I feel will be productive to any of the current situations competing for interests in my brain at the moment.
I really fear for our country.
I was reading some articles today about the Osama bin Laden tape from Friday and I have a feeling something is going to happen, and soon.
What is must be like in the mind of a terrorist? It's really quite scary. I mean seriously, September 11th was beautifully organized and executed. The man does not lack intelligence, and what is worse is he has so much anger towards America that he will stop at no end to make it known. And it's not like he cares if he dies doing it, as Professor Belk said in Government today, "Its like a job opening amongst drug dealers"--there will always be someone ready to fill in the vacancy.
It's kind of hard to believe that people are intrinsically good if there is a whole nation of people full of so much Hate. But in a sense, we Americans are just as guilty of another sin of Pride.
It's all quite complicated and it's really quite late and my head hurts.
We really need to pray for our country, and for its leaders regardless of who wins the election. No so much for God to make things change, but for the ability to endure.
And I thought I had nothing to say.
I really fear for our country.
I was reading some articles today about the Osama bin Laden tape from Friday and I have a feeling something is going to happen, and soon.
What is must be like in the mind of a terrorist? It's really quite scary. I mean seriously, September 11th was beautifully organized and executed. The man does not lack intelligence, and what is worse is he has so much anger towards America that he will stop at no end to make it known. And it's not like he cares if he dies doing it, as Professor Belk said in Government today, "Its like a job opening amongst drug dealers"--there will always be someone ready to fill in the vacancy.
It's kind of hard to believe that people are intrinsically good if there is a whole nation of people full of so much Hate. But in a sense, we Americans are just as guilty of another sin of Pride.
It's all quite complicated and it's really quite late and my head hurts.
We really need to pray for our country, and for its leaders regardless of who wins the election. No so much for God to make things change, but for the ability to endure.
And I thought I had nothing to say.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
This One Goes Out To You Mrs. Huggins
Yesterday was October 29th--and while it may seem just like any other day to most of you, to those of us who had the difficult pleasure of being in Susie Huggins' AP class at the Academy will always remember this day.
On October 29th, 2002 while practicing for the AP Exam, which involved going through questions and writing our answers on a white board and comparing them with other people in the class, I seemed to run into the continuous problem of doubting my own ability to answer correctly and end up changing my answer based on someone else. Well after repetedly doing this and several times realizing my original answer was correct (You must keep in mind that at this stage in my life I was dealing with a "simplicity" complex ::wink::) Mrs. Huggins decided it was time to declare a holiday.
She said to us, as Andy valiantly jumped up to write "Oct 29" on the board, "Let this be the day that you learn not to let yourself be swayed and influenced by those around you."
To those of you who had the pleasure of enjoying that moment and who are actually reading this, which would probably only be you Natasha, but that day had nothing to do with the AP exam and almost everything to do with life.
On October 29th, 2002 while practicing for the AP Exam, which involved going through questions and writing our answers on a white board and comparing them with other people in the class, I seemed to run into the continuous problem of doubting my own ability to answer correctly and end up changing my answer based on someone else. Well after repetedly doing this and several times realizing my original answer was correct (You must keep in mind that at this stage in my life I was dealing with a "simplicity" complex ::wink::) Mrs. Huggins decided it was time to declare a holiday.
She said to us, as Andy valiantly jumped up to write "Oct 29" on the board, "Let this be the day that you learn not to let yourself be swayed and influenced by those around you."
To those of you who had the pleasure of enjoying that moment and who are actually reading this, which would probably only be you Natasha, but that day had nothing to do with the AP exam and almost everything to do with life.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Join Me in a Sigh of Relief
This past week has been one of the most mentally exhausting weeks I have had in a L-O-N-G time. Three tests, advising and planning for next semester, and a paper due.
Needless to say, I am quite relieved that this week is over.
It just seemed like I had a million things to do, each requiring more time than I had avaliable. Hours and hours of studying, reading, writing, reviewing. It is a rather unpleasant existance to be THAT focused on one particular area. Luckily, I realize there is much more to life than school. It is also fortunate that I am a Type B personality. Not only do I not have to worry about being an overachiever, I am also at less risk for heart problems. Go me!
Needless to say, I am quite relieved that this week is over.
It just seemed like I had a million things to do, each requiring more time than I had avaliable. Hours and hours of studying, reading, writing, reviewing. It is a rather unpleasant existance to be THAT focused on one particular area. Luckily, I realize there is much more to life than school. It is also fortunate that I am a Type B personality. Not only do I not have to worry about being an overachiever, I am also at less risk for heart problems. Go me!
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Gray Skies
If the world were to one day decide to die, I imagine it would look much like it does outside right now.
It has been an absolutely wretched week in Rock Hill. The sun has yet to reveal itself once. All we have seen is gray skies and the constant threat of a misting rain. It's rather depressing. I wish it would just pour and get it over with so we can get a move on with blue skies and sunshine.
Sometimes I wonder if people who don't know Jesus live in this constant state of gray. That is such a terrible existence. It reminds me a lot of the gray city in C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce.
There is nothing appealing about gray.
But seriously, even though it may be absolutely hideous outside, a lot of times, after the initial complaining about the weather, I find myself pleasantly distracted by my company, the squirrels, the trees or something else. It's like, regardless of the weather, I can still find things to be happy about.
People who don't know God's love though, they are just stuck in this ugly mindset. It's really quite sad.
It has been an absolutely wretched week in Rock Hill. The sun has yet to reveal itself once. All we have seen is gray skies and the constant threat of a misting rain. It's rather depressing. I wish it would just pour and get it over with so we can get a move on with blue skies and sunshine.
Sometimes I wonder if people who don't know Jesus live in this constant state of gray. That is such a terrible existence. It reminds me a lot of the gray city in C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce.
There is nothing appealing about gray.
But seriously, even though it may be absolutely hideous outside, a lot of times, after the initial complaining about the weather, I find myself pleasantly distracted by my company, the squirrels, the trees or something else. It's like, regardless of the weather, I can still find things to be happy about.
People who don't know God's love though, they are just stuck in this ugly mindset. It's really quite sad.
Purity As a Lifestyle
Over the past several months I have had this fascination with the concept of purity. Not just physical purity, as in, not having sex before you are married, but purity in its entirety--purity as a lifestyle.
I suppose this interest spawned after seeing Jason Evert and Matt Smith give a chastity talk at NCYC last November. However, I believe it was after hearing Jason speak a second time this past March at High School Conference that I began to feel very convicted my the message of purity. I really admire Jason for his wisdom and encouragement of purity. Not only does he attack the issue from a moral and religious standpoint but he backs up his arguments with medical and psychological findings. It's really amazing.
Over these past few months, however, I have reached the general consesus that God really does not intend for us to date. If he did there would not be the emotional implications that go along with the entire "dating scene." Emotional wounds like that are just not what God intended. When you really consider it from all angels we are really and truly only designed for "One Love," to quote U2.
However, back to living purity.
This semester I have been attending a bible study here on campus and together we are reading a book called When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I highly recommend that everyone glance over this book a time or two. However, the chapter that we discussed this week really got my mind going because Leslie addresses the fact that "physical purity cannot be serparated from our emotions" and to elaborate on that our emotions are a reflections of our thoughts, views, and motives, therefore in order to really live a pure life, to achieve purity in all its glory we must be constantly seeking God with every second of our life and we must be constantly chasing after his will. Leslie later goes on to make this statement which I found most provocative:
"It doesn't mean we will always be perfect, but it does mean that we will be headed in the right direction...on a path not of compromise, but of radiant and joyful purity in its truest forms."
God has so many incredible blessings He is just dying to bestow upon us but through our own actions and giving in to our own will and desires we deny ourself pure and radiant joy. It boggles my mind really.
What I particularly liked about this particular quote though, it her comment about heading in the right direction. Again that goes back to what I said earlier about seeking God.
We are not perfect (Ben Moser, this unfortunately includes you, although you come so very close), and in reality God never asks us to be perfect, he created us knowing well and good that we are going to screw up and constantly fall short of His glory. What He does ask us to do though, is to keep our focus on Him and try our darnedest to live out His word with our lives.
One of my biggest frustrations in this world is people who with their mouths will give glory and praise to God and then live a lifestyle that does not reflect that. What frustrates me even more is when people feel convicted of what needs to change in their lives yet they do not even make a true, heartfelt effort to change. At least try, come on people.
Surrending our lives to God is one heck of a task, it may leave us confused, unsure, and vulnerable, but it sure does NOT make us weak. God really does have an amazing power to work through us and change lives but His light cannot shine brightly through a tarnished heart.
Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me.
I suppose this interest spawned after seeing Jason Evert and Matt Smith give a chastity talk at NCYC last November. However, I believe it was after hearing Jason speak a second time this past March at High School Conference that I began to feel very convicted my the message of purity. I really admire Jason for his wisdom and encouragement of purity. Not only does he attack the issue from a moral and religious standpoint but he backs up his arguments with medical and psychological findings. It's really amazing.
Over these past few months, however, I have reached the general consesus that God really does not intend for us to date. If he did there would not be the emotional implications that go along with the entire "dating scene." Emotional wounds like that are just not what God intended. When you really consider it from all angels we are really and truly only designed for "One Love," to quote U2.
However, back to living purity.
This semester I have been attending a bible study here on campus and together we are reading a book called When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I highly recommend that everyone glance over this book a time or two. However, the chapter that we discussed this week really got my mind going because Leslie addresses the fact that "physical purity cannot be serparated from our emotions" and to elaborate on that our emotions are a reflections of our thoughts, views, and motives, therefore in order to really live a pure life, to achieve purity in all its glory we must be constantly seeking God with every second of our life and we must be constantly chasing after his will. Leslie later goes on to make this statement which I found most provocative:
"It doesn't mean we will always be perfect, but it does mean that we will be headed in the right direction...on a path not of compromise, but of radiant and joyful purity in its truest forms."
God has so many incredible blessings He is just dying to bestow upon us but through our own actions and giving in to our own will and desires we deny ourself pure and radiant joy. It boggles my mind really.
What I particularly liked about this particular quote though, it her comment about heading in the right direction. Again that goes back to what I said earlier about seeking God.
We are not perfect (Ben Moser, this unfortunately includes you, although you come so very close), and in reality God never asks us to be perfect, he created us knowing well and good that we are going to screw up and constantly fall short of His glory. What He does ask us to do though, is to keep our focus on Him and try our darnedest to live out His word with our lives.
One of my biggest frustrations in this world is people who with their mouths will give glory and praise to God and then live a lifestyle that does not reflect that. What frustrates me even more is when people feel convicted of what needs to change in their lives yet they do not even make a true, heartfelt effort to change. At least try, come on people.
Surrending our lives to God is one heck of a task, it may leave us confused, unsure, and vulnerable, but it sure does NOT make us weak. God really does have an amazing power to work through us and change lives but His light cannot shine brightly through a tarnished heart.
Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Sellout
So I found an online radio station that plays "Bit Hits of the 1990's" which makes me all kinds of happy. They played a Jewel song the other day, and it made me sad. She sold out.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Monday, October 25, 2004
I Have Become "That Kid"
If you know me, there is a good chance that at some point in our relationship I have severely warned you against the horrors of being "that kid." The term really applies to just about any situation and is quite enjoyable because when the term is used, we all can muster up some memory of a similar instance in which "that kid" really does exist.
At the same time, those who know me probably have observed that I myself have been "that kid" more than I let most people privy to, or at least I like to think.
This rambling has been prompted by the fact that I have indeed become "that kid" in partaking in the phenomenon that is online journaling. All I wanted to do was post, to post you must join, and to join you get sucked in.
At the same time, those who know me probably have observed that I myself have been "that kid" more than I let most people privy to, or at least I like to think.
This rambling has been prompted by the fact that I have indeed become "that kid" in partaking in the phenomenon that is online journaling. All I wanted to do was post, to post you must join, and to join you get sucked in.
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