I can't sleep so I am writing This

I'm not tired, and I'm not sure why, but I feel like writing...maybe it will help me sleep.

I am coming to recognize a fear I have.

I fear meaningless relationships.

I don't mean that in the sense of a phobia type fear where I am deathly afraid of people with whom I have no meaningful, close, personal connection, but rather I fear being involved in a relationship that was at once thought to be meaningful but that later would prove itself not to be so.

Don't let anything you say be a line!

I guess a lot of this fear, or rather what would cause a relationship to prove itself meaningless is for there to be a lack a genuiness in a relationship, romantic or otherwise. I suppose personally the fear comes from my idealistic belief that every relationship should be different and unique and it is when we start to treat all relationships the same they lose their meaning.

It's like, you know how you have a good memory or experience with someone and in a weird and childish sort of jealous way you don't want them to have that same kind of experience with anyone else. That's what I fear. I repetition of my memories with someone else.

Maybe it's just me.

I just know I place a lot of value on the relationships I have with people and it kills me to think others don't place the same value on the relationships they have with me.

I'm going to go lay down now, it's late, or rather, early....