I no longer have to take responsibility for any of my actions

because apparently Akon has volunteered to take the blame

...and that is how I spend my Sunday

Yesterday I spent 9 hours of my day watching the ABC Family 7th Heaven marriage marathon. Needless to say, my eyes were a little teary most of the day, but that's beside the point.

I am well aware of the corniness and unrealisticness of 7th Heaven, but no matter how aware I am, I still like the show. I'm a fan and always have been.

Many a Monday night at 8 o'clock were spent on my living room couch waiting to see what the Camden crew would be up to this episode and sort of wanting to be a part of it.

Granted it always finished just in time to switch over to Monday Night Raw.

...and that's the contradiction that was my early adolescence.

School Related Things

A couple of weeks ago, I applied for graduation. Not a particularly emotion provoking event, but a very real step in my journey towards not being a college student

Yesterday I met with Dr. Lyon to make sure I had everything I needed to graduate with my honors degree. I did, and upon completion of my thesis next semester, I will be an honors graduate of Winthrop University.

In a few weeks I will have my very last advising meeting in which I will need to tie up any loose ends to make sure I meet May with no complications. Additionally, my plans of taking my last semester easy and pretty much doing only my thesis will be spoiled by the fact that the psychology department will be offering THREE different courses that all make me want to pee my pants with excitement (prenatal behavior, advanced child development, and diversity in the family). It is also statements like that which indicate perhaps I should consider going on to grad school because, well, I'm a nerd.

In regards to things post graduation...suggestions are welcome. I'm far from being stressed about it, because I know the Lord will show me where He wants me eventually, but the thoughts I've entertained on my own are broad and diverse.

Finally, in the process of writing this, the apple I am eating in between key strokes which is sitting on my lap as oozed juice making it look like i actually have peed my pants a little. hurray!

A lust finally fulfilled...

...and it was wonderful.

ok, so maybe lust is a bit of a strong word with a negative connotation.

since my freshman year Winthrop has been promising me a new gym. spring semester of my junior year, no gym, but enough of a building to be a tease. fall of my senior year, a building, a pool, a tons of BRAND NEW CARDIO MACHINES mocking me from their place inside the building that won't open.

August 17th, not open. September 3rd, not open. September 14th, not open. But finally, today, September 17th, the brand-spanking-new and amazing West Center is open and I can finally enjoy my 20 minute run on an elliptical machine :)

I am making up for my utter lack of posting with this collection of little posts

Congratulations to me, and all my other friends who are 21, WE HAVE OUR ADULT BRAINS, physiologically speaking. Apparently, the brain is continually developing and creating new myelin sheathes (which speed up neuron communication) until you are 21, which should supposedly mean that adults can think better and faster than teenagers.

Drinking is legal at 21. Drinking kills neurons, thus making neuron communication harder....irony?

***

My heart is longing to be in a city...a big city...new york city.

***

Prenatal development is absolutely amazing, and possibly unhealthy for someone like me who wants a baby so badly (the whole marriage thing aside, biological clock, as Kat would say)

***

Jazz music is good for the soul...bottom line.

***

It's almost magical outside tonight. We are in such desperate need of rain and there are thunderstorms in the predictions...wind...colorful sunsets...and that feeling like something is going to happen...could fall really be on the way?

***

I wrote the ending last night!!

"I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love. We learn that we are loveable or unlovable from other people," Paul says. "That is why God tells us so many times to love each other."

-Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

Restless

rest-less [rest-lis] adj.

1. characterized by or showing inability to remain at rest
2. unquiet or uneasy as a person, the mind, or the heart
3. not content

what i'm getting at is that i need a swift kick in the pants. i just can't seem to get my butt in gear. i still enjoy school and i want to do my work, but i am just lacking motivation. i want to get up early and get ready, but i keep hitting the snooze. i want to make my days productive, but then i have days like today, where (no exaggeration) i keep my butt planted in front of the tv for hours aimlessly flipping through channels. About the most productive thing i did today was actually watch a movie to its completion. i surpassed unproductive.

i'm not really sure what my deal is.

lately i have just been feeling sort of discontent. perhaps i am subconsciously stressed out about all the stuff I have going on at school, but i really don't think that's it. i'm not particularly worried about what to do after graduation (although I do need a backup in case The Real World doesn't work out), but I have to admit I'd like a little more clarity in that area.

i think i'm just ready for something different...something new...something exciting...an adventure.

i'm not unhappy, but i think i keep trying to convince myself i'd be happier if only (fill in the blank with various plans and desires here). it's not good, i know the Lord needs to be my total fulfillment, but I'm having a hard time grasping that at the moment.

I'll leave you with this

I have hardly posted in months and what I have written has hardly been of any substance, so I leave you with this little bit of important information which proves how badly I need to just go ahead and go to bed.

Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance. You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver. You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

What Color Is Your Brain?

Another Summer Gone By

How in the world did we end up in Week 8 of summer already (that's not counting the 2.5 weeks of staff training)? As you can see it's been quite busy as this is the first time I've gotten around to posting anything in months.

Camp is in a good place...our staff is amazing and the Lord has been here this summer. I've dealt with more issues and been stretched in a lot of ways. I have enjoyed this summer a lot and been able to work in a capacity that is new (although lacking in the sunshine department). It's good...summer has been good...and I will be sad to see it end.


But...Bahamas is on the horizon!

Is 20 too young to be feeling very nostalgic about things?

Job Well Done

I probably wrote about this last semester, but it's worth mentioning again.

In the academic world at least, there is probably no greater feeling than walking out of an exam, shaking the professor's hand, knowing it was a good semester with a job well done...

...and I'll do it again Friday morning...and next semester...

that's why Dr. Judge has class.

Katie and I are friggin' geniouses...be on the lookout...we're going BIG time.

Abe Froman: The Sausage King of Chicago

the end of any school year really calls for a viewing of Ferris Buellers Day Off. my freshman year of college the urge hit with great strength and was unfortunately met unquenched as i at this point did not yet have my own copy. this year however, the annual viewing was only beginning to nag my brain when i stumbled across an AMC_DVD showing of the movie. It's like pop-up video for an entire movie and for a movie i'v seen over 20 some times, it was perfect. i love falling into a fix.

i was introduced to ferris when i was about 10 or 11 and i was destined to fall in love with the movie as it was released only 7 days after my birth. i will watch it practically every time it's on tv and on other occasions when the mood strikes (for i now own the dvd for myself). it's just brilliant. it encompasses that wonderful, romanticized idea of high school that so lacks reality you can't help but love it. it's full of wisdom and an attitude towards life we could all afford to adopt. plus, deep down, we all want to be a little bit like ferris.

sigh...it's just brilliant...and most definitely on my top ten movies of all time.

New Layout

I figured it was time for a new layout.

I started this thing back in 2004 and have changed absolutely nothing about it except for the ramblings I post as I find the mood striking.

Consider it part of the gradual process of becoming a more sophisticated adult.

Why do I..

...have such a knack for ruining completely tasty and wonderful food options by looking up the nutritional facts. once i KNOW exactly how bad something is for me, i feel obligated to eat something healthier.

on the one hand it's good i guess...but milkshakes and grilled stuft burritos are just so so so very tasty.

Musical Whiplash

What is so great about itunes or using the shuffle mode on an ipod is that your musical is not neccesarily arranged in any particular order so you never really know what to expect next. and it leads to really funny transitions like going from Bruce Springsteen's "Secret Garden" (complete with the sound clips from Jerry McGuire) to Bubba Sparxx's "Miss New Booty."

that's what's so great about technology kids.

Overcompensating

I am overcompensating for my total lack of posting with the previous two (incredibly provocative) posts.

I promise, I'll try harder to be a better blogger.

Where's the love...

The 11-year-old version of myself would have never believed that my love for Taylor Hanson would one day come to an end.

But the 20-year-old version of myself has concluded that Isaac has definitely outshown his brother in rugged good looks (perhaps mostly in the "rugged" department), that age has done Isaac well, and in my expert opinion, he has become the best looking Hanson brother.

I have to admit, although many of you already know, that in my old age by affinity for Hanson has far from waned, and that with each new album (yes, they did produce music after MmmBop, and it's quite excellent too) I like them more and more.

It's nice to have something that I've liked for that long...we're going on 10 years boys...here here.

A New Prophet

The Office is brilliant. If you don't watch it, you should.

One of the greatest Michael Scott quotes, or any quote for that matter, is in an episode from Season Two called Casino Night. Michael has decided, in the name of charity, to host a casino night in the warehouse at Dunder-Mifflin, which would include gambling, drinking, and other such things. Toby, being the top-notch HR pro that he is, thinks that having children at the event would be a little inappropriate. In response, Michael says: I hate so much, about the things you chose to be.

I love Toby. Sure, Jim is gorgeous, but there is something about Toby...I just love him.

So naturally, my reaction was to think that Michael, while funny, was too harsh on my boy Toby.

Little did I know, Michael Scott is actually a prophet.

See, a week or two ago, while having absolutely nothing better to do on a Friday afternoon in the tutoring lab, I was looking around The Office cast members MySpace accounts and came across Toby's, and much to my dismay (I kid you not, my heart sank just a little) under religious views Toby had listed "atheist."

How sad. Coming from my Christian perspective, it just seems to be such a dismal outlook on life, and my dear Toby is part of that.

Michael knew though.

He hates that for Toby, but ultimately all he can do is just make this sentiment known.

Michael Scott is a prophet, that doesn't suprise me really.
:)

Out

For those who are unaware...I'm going to Singapore for a few days...

see you when I get back!

A New Face for Marlie

You know, as Americans we take so much for granted. I don't think that's anything any of us have never heard before thought about on occassion. However, tonight I have been sort of overwhelmed by how fortunate we are to live in America, where we have access to clean water, food, and medical care if we need it.

Tonight I have been watching TLC and they are showing one of those surgery shows and tonight it is about a girl named Marlie who had a 16 pound liesion on her face that has completely disfigured her. She is from Haiti and was on the verge of death because it was keeping her from breathing, eating, not to mention going out in public where people thought she was cursed or a monster.

Can you imagine if that was your child?

Anyways, she was fortunte enough to be able to come to America to have a never before performed sugery and as she was going in for the first part of her operation, her mother and the two Haitian nurses who made the journey with her were singing and even praying the song "God Bless America." They aren't Americans, but because of the medical technology we have in our country, their little girl is saved. We really are blessed.

Get Up and Go

Sometimes I become very overwhelmed with the feeling that I need to go somewhere and do something. I don't mean, like go for a run (although that does happen), but do something really purposeful with my life.

I'm thinking Peace Corps.

100 You Might or Might Not Know About Me

1. I got this idea from KTB.
2. I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional right now.
3. I'm a nerd, I really like school.
4. I once made a mixed tape for a boy I liked. To this day it was probably the boldest thing I've ever done for like.
5. On most guys in most situations, I find facial hair incredibly attractive (exlcuding the solitary mustache).
6. I have been to four countries outside of the United States and have driven through or flown out of two additional ones.
7. I once spent an entire day convincing my little brother he was adopted. He later told his kindergarten teacher.
8. Carvel cake is the way to my heart.
9. Despite being raised in a church, I became a Christian at 14.
10. I've had lice.
11. I still listen to Hanson (that's including recent CDs).
12. I have been keeping a diary/journal since I was 8 1/2 years old.
13. I really like Harry Potter and sometimes wish I could go to Hogwarts.
14. I want seven kids---this could be attributed to watching a lot of 7th Heaven, but I won't say that is the sole reason.
15. I could (and sometimes do) listen to nothing but 80's music and music from musicals or Disney movies.
16. I'm 64% gross according to blogthings How Gross are You quiz.
17. Before college "exercise" was like a four letter word...and never would have been done for fun.
18. I like to blend things with the Magic Bullet.
19. I compulsively check my e-mail.
20. I cry at A Baby Story.
21. Watching Newsies makes me want to do something important and stand for something I believe in.
22. I don't watch the news or read the newspaper as much as I should to be an informed citizen.
23. Grass green is my shade of green.
24. I've gone four straight days without a shower.
25. I am pretty sure I don't want alcohol at my wedding.
26. One time in middle school, to stick it to the man, I wrote "We the People of the Back of the Room" with two fellow deviants who got sent to the back of the room.
27. Ben Moser is mostly responsible for who I am...all complaints can be directed to him.
28. Sometimes I truly think I should just have the final opinion on how things should be in the world.
29. I'm taking hip hop this semester.
30. I love taking pictures.
31. I used to want to be an actress and sometimes really regret not pursuing that dream.
32. People think I look like Katie Holmes.
33. I went to see Michael Jackson cover band last spring.
34. There are 150 people on my buddy list...I hardly talk to them all.
35. I have a copy of The Giving Tree with me at college.
36. I read non-Narnia C.S. Lewis books for fun.
37. I want to write a book and be published.
38. I don't really like talking on the phone.
39. I like to play dress up.
40. If reasonable, I would wear skirts and dresses all of the time.
41. I loathe being cold, and sometimes lose feeling in my toes when it's too cold out.
42. I collect large eyewear.
43. I was a semi-finalist for the Park Scholarship to NCSU.
44. Despite what people might think, I really don't like icebreakers.
45. I am a camp dork...seriously.
46. I did not want to go to my high school graduation.
47. I want to live in NYC for some period of my life.
48. If The Wedding Singer of Son-in-Law are on TV, I will watch it regardless of how many times I've seen them.
49. Flirting gets on my nerves.
50. I love jewelry!!!
51. I'm convinced Jesus was a good looking man.
52. I want a tatoo.
53. I believe everyone should join in on the musical of life that is already going on in my head.
54. I memorize and quote lyrics and movie lines all of the time.
55. I like to eat ice cream for breakfast.
56. I hate feet.
57. When Army recruiters kept calling me I told them I wanted to be a fasion designer and giggled a lot to get them to hang up.
58. I want to go to Africa.
59. My stomach makes weird noises all the time.
60. My watch smells but I don't want to get rid of it because it shoots lasers.
61. I caught Gregg Marshall's shirt at the last basketball game.
62. I got detention twice in middle school...once for wearing non-uniform jewelry...I told my teacher I was "expressing my individuality"...she was not impressed.
63. I am anal about color coordination.
64. I always have my toenails painted.
65. I once refused to read Gone with the Wind on the basis that it was bigger than the bible.
66. My basketball number in middle school was 12.
67. Cocoa Wheats was my absolute favorite food as a kid.
68. The only two occasions that I can remember of "having an accident" as a young child both times I tried to blame it on sitting in water (which wasn't a completely inprobable story).
69. I carry a Hello Kitty compact mirror in my purse that my dad got for me when I was like 3.
70. I have never broken a bone, but I fractured my wrist in 2nd grade roller blading in Myrtle Beach Middle School.
71. I can still derive pleasure out of watching professional wrestling.
72. I'm not gonna lie, I like poppy rap music.
73. I sort my gummy bears and M&M's by flavor/color when I eat them.
74. Cute old men make me smile.
75. Burritos and milkshakes=goodness
76. Sometimes when I listen to music about the high school, punk rock love...a part of me still wants that (even with the drama and heartache).
77. Lime is one of my favorite flavors...cherry limeade, lime chips, lime seasoned chicked...
78. I used to make up dances to Spice Girls all the time.
79. I don't floss daily like I should.
80. I did a collage on belly buttons for art class in middle school and my teacher wouldn't hang it up.
81. I want to be a judge for the National Pie contest in Florida.
82. As a kid I was really into the spy/detective thing (Harriet the Spy and Ghostwriter were favorites) so I would keep notebooks of observations and follow anything I thought was a clue (once I rode my bike around the neighbor hood following blue paint splotches).
83. On August 4, 1997 I fell in love with Jonathan Warren...that's according to my 11 year old self.
84. My dream car is a green Jeep Wrangler.
85. I have a strange fear of doors opening on my toes...like if a door opens towards me, I am always afraid someone is going to push it open and my toes and gonna get messed up.
86. I have always thought I was old for my age...it doesn't take much to convince myself that was not true.
87. I've seen the pope...three times.
88. I used to want to be on the Real World.
89. I really wanted to play the flute when I was younger but my parents told me I had to master the recorder first...it didn't happen...needless to say, I never played the flute.
90. I have an over active conscience.
91. I truly believe love is in the details.
92. I have never been in love and am quite ok with that.
93. Once, when I was around 10, I decided I was going to spend an entire day sitting in the woods...so I took my "sit-upon" and packed a lunch...I'm not sure I even made it more than an hour or so.
94. I ran away once...around the corner...sat on the side of the road...and returned shortly after.
95. I suck at emotions and communicating things that are important.
96. My brothers once told me that the sodium earthobate in hotdogs was earthworms and I did not eat hotdogs for about a year.
97. They also tried to tell my that one of my my cousin's head wasn't real...Her real head was on this really high shelf at my grandparents house.
98. I wanted to be Clarissa from Clarissa Explains It All...I also wanted to be Alex Mack.
99. I saw Sharon, Lois, and Bram in concert.
100. I am a pack rat.

Take that 2006---2007 is about to rock the house down

I have met this new year with an especially high degree of excitement and enthusiasm, unnatural or abnormal even...but I am quite enjoying it this way.

I love how the new year (or school year or semester or first of the month or sunday or really any beginning) somehow conjures up in us the great sense of empowerment. It is as if, for some reason when the calendar page flips from one year into the next we are suddenly much more motivated and capable of achieving the goals, breaking the habits, or losing the weight we have been carrying around for years, previously unable to do anything about.

I say this not to mock new years resolutions, but to smile at the fact that for some amount of time we are all a little unsensibly idealistic. In fact, I have a long history of making new year's resolutions almost all of which (if not absolutely all) have never been achieved. In fact, because I am a chronic overachiever and tend to take on a "go big or go home" mentality, I actually have a habit of making an entire list of reasonably obtainable new year's resolution that so divides my attention that as a result not a single one gets the attention or dedication deserved to make it a reality. In fact, these resolutions were so significant that I remember practically none of them; although I do recall several resolutions to lose weight, work out, eat healthy, give up soda, give up candy, and other such things. In addition I pledged other things like to stop popping my knuckles, do all the reading for classes, and I believe once I even made a resolution to smooch the object of my middle school heart's affection (I'm that cool, yes, I know).

I share all this juciness for the sole purpose of saying that this new year I am truly about to burst with excitement about what's in store for the next few months (at least). I feel like God is up to something in my life, and it's a refreshing feeling to have, one that is an answer to months worth of prayers. I know I am a nerd, but I feel like God is putting more passion into my school work, I COULDN'T SLEEP THE NIGHT BEFORE CLASSES. I sat excited, about to pee my pants, in each new class, just wanting to learn new things. This isn't just academically. I feel like a time of hardcore spiritual growth is on the horizon for 2007. He is calling me to spend more time with Him and has been making it an urgency in my life (which is awesome) and revealing so much to me about my relationship with Him and bringing forth a lot of things I need to deal with to experience more freedom and joy! It's so exciting. Overall just a sense of excitement about life in general and a desire to learn and grow.

I might pee my pants just thinking about it, which wouldn't be too hard because one of my new years resolutions is to drink the recommended amount of water each day ;)