I'm actually quite tired right now, but I'm not asleep. I think it has to do with the fact I have been going non-stop (literally) for 11+ hours every day for the past week and a half that my body is just taking a really long time to shut down. So, I figured rather than wasting even more time farting around on Facebook or OldNavy.com, I should use this time to update the ol' blog.
I keep telling myself that life will eventually slow down, but I think I might need to get that out of my head.
The past few months have been busy, exhausting, challenging, long, and cold (with a few glimmers of fun and relaxation in there somewhere). And through these past few months I have really been wrestling with trying to figure out what my gifts are, spiritual gifts to be exact, and how I can serve within those gifts to find more fulfillment and a closer relationship with the Lord. However, as I have been wrestling with this, I find out more and more that I'm really not sure what my gifts are and how I could be used.
Introspection and self-evaluation are often very frustrating for me. For one, I suck at emotions and vulnerability and I'm super over-analytical, so I never get very far. I am also incredibly self-critical and have a hard time seeing myself from outside myself, leading to focusing much more time on weaknesses than strengths. Over the past years I have taken several personality tests or strengths profiles and I always read results feeling somewhat irritated with the fact that I never have any one trait or strength that really sticks out above the rest. Maybe I am dissatisfied with being equally average, or maybe I just want someone to tell me what I am good at and what I should do and cut out the introspection all together :) Either way, the process has been frustrating.
Despite the frustration, I have felt very compelled to continue on the journey. The topic of spiritual gifts has surfaced and resurfaced several times over the past few months, so I figured it's something God really wanted to challenge me with.
So this is where I am at. I've been reading a book called S.H.A.P.E. which I heard about from my pal Blair and it's been a good tool to start looking specifically at the topic of gifts.
Through scripture 20 different spiritual gifts are mentioned: administration, apostleship, discernment, encouragement, evangelism, faith, giving, healing, helping, hospitality, interpretation, knowledge, leadership, mercy, miracles, pastoring, prophecy, teaching, tongues, and wisdom.
Of these 20 gifts, there are 10 that I think I have or maybe have, those being: administration(m), discernment(m), encouragement(m), helping(y), hospitality(m), leadership(m), mercy(m), pastoring/shepherding(y), teaching(m), and wisdom(y).
The next step is to do some praying and reflecting on where I have felt most used and fulfilled in life and look for evidence of these gifts (not talents and learned skills) AND to try to serve in areas using these gifts. We'll see what I find out. Any feedback would be welcome but I am not fishing for compliments (I'm bad at taking them anyways), so be legit.
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Administration and encouragement stick out the most to me. I think based upon growing up with you some and also how you handled yourself in high school. Discernment comes into play because I think you have a great ability to pinpoint how someone can serve a particular cause because you're good at looking at their strengths.
I'm not saying I have you spiritually figured out, but those have shone brightest for me in my time of knowing you.
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