I'm actually quite tired right now, but I'm not asleep. I think it has to do with the fact I have been going non-stop (literally) for 11+ hours every day for the past week and a half that my body is just taking a really long time to shut down. So, I figured rather than wasting even more time farting around on Facebook or OldNavy.com, I should use this time to update the ol' blog.
I keep telling myself that life will eventually slow down, but I think I might need to get that out of my head.
The past few months have been busy, exhausting, challenging, long, and cold (with a few glimmers of fun and relaxation in there somewhere). And through these past few months I have really been wrestling with trying to figure out what my gifts are, spiritual gifts to be exact, and how I can serve within those gifts to find more fulfillment and a closer relationship with the Lord. However, as I have been wrestling with this, I find out more and more that I'm really not sure what my gifts are and how I could be used.
Introspection and self-evaluation are often very frustrating for me. For one, I suck at emotions and vulnerability and I'm super over-analytical, so I never get very far. I am also incredibly self-critical and have a hard time seeing myself from outside myself, leading to focusing much more time on weaknesses than strengths. Over the past years I have taken several personality tests or strengths profiles and I always read results feeling somewhat irritated with the fact that I never have any one trait or strength that really sticks out above the rest. Maybe I am dissatisfied with being equally average, or maybe I just want someone to tell me what I am good at and what I should do and cut out the introspection all together :) Either way, the process has been frustrating.
Despite the frustration, I have felt very compelled to continue on the journey. The topic of spiritual gifts has surfaced and resurfaced several times over the past few months, so I figured it's something God really wanted to challenge me with.
So this is where I am at. I've been reading a book called S.H.A.P.E. which I heard about from my pal Blair and it's been a good tool to start looking specifically at the topic of gifts.
Through scripture 20 different spiritual gifts are mentioned: administration, apostleship, discernment, encouragement, evangelism, faith, giving, healing, helping, hospitality, interpretation, knowledge, leadership, mercy, miracles, pastoring, prophecy, teaching, tongues, and wisdom.
Of these 20 gifts, there are 10 that I think I have or maybe have, those being: administration(m), discernment(m), encouragement(m), helping(y), hospitality(m), leadership(m), mercy(m), pastoring/shepherding(y), teaching(m), and wisdom(y).
The next step is to do some praying and reflecting on where I have felt most used and fulfilled in life and look for evidence of these gifts (
not talents and learned skills) AND to try to serve in areas using these gifts. We'll see what I find out. Any feedback would be welcome but I am not fishing for compliments (I'm bad at taking them anyways), so be legit.
