Moving

It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how independent I like to think I am when I come to moments in my life when I just don't know what the future holds, all I want to do is go home and be with my mommy.

I had a really hard time motivating myself to pack and head back to Raleigh. I guess it was mainly because I didn't feel like I had anything to go back to other than a messy room with no bed, no furniture, nothing. Raleigh doesn't feel like home yet because I'm not really settled there, I feel more like I'm just crashing on the floor than moving in. All the "freedom" of not knowing left me feeling a little bit lost and incredibly unmotivated...and I was just getting discouraged about the job thing.

But the Lord is a faithful provider! As I was driving home from saying goodbye to my mom, I was beginning to get particularly caught up in my thoughts and my phone rang. I got a job! Not the job I interviewed for, but they offered me another position...I guess they want to keep me around and that's a good sign right? The call came at the perfect moment because it gave me a tangible reason to come back (other than the looming rent check) and that got be excited about getting plugged in and settled here in Raleigh.

I've been e-mailing with two women from two separate churches here and I am really looking forward to getting to meet them and start looking for a church family. Both seem really nice and both churches look like they would have a lot to offer (including swing dancing which I will be taking up for the next four Wednesdays). It'll just be good to start meeting new people :)

Lady in Waiting

By about the middle of my sophomore year in college I had had enough of Christian dating books, talks, etc. To be honest, I became somewhat hardened to any message of this sort simply because I felt like I had heard the same thing so many times and that if I heard it again I would scream.

Then second semester junior year, Ansley told us we would be studying a book entitled Fantasy in our discipleship group (insert finger in throat and gag), yet another book on all the proper Christian conversations one is supposed to have when in a relationship and how girls are obsessed with the idea of marriage and how worth it is to wait for a godly man (all of which, I admit, have some truth to them, but seriously). And of course, because I was so against going through such a book, God used it to teach me all sort of amazing things and teach me that I was wrong. In fact, it has become a book I have lead a group in twice and have recommended on several occasions.

Then this summer I decided that I would take a stab at reading the book Lady in Waiting. On the one hand, I wanted to hit myself for being compelled to read a "dating book," thus giving the impression that I was that marriage obsessed girl who even brought the obsession into her time with the Lord, BUT after thumbing it over a few times and seeing that it actually had some good biblical basis and practical application, my gag reflex calmed down and I decided it was worth a shot.

What I like about Lady in Waiting is that it's not going on and on about finding beauty or how to be a better potential wife but it really focuses on growing closer to the Lord and examining areas of your life that keep you from being as close to the Lord as He desires. It's good stuff...and while yes it does has some application to me as a single woman, I also have just become aware of just how much of a waiting period I am in in life right now, and I don't just mean in love. I'm waiting to hear back from a job (and if I don't get it I'll continue waiting for other opportunities). I'm waiting for furniture. I'm waiting to get settled in Raleigh, to find a church, to get plugged in. I'm waiting for discernment. I'm just waiting for things in life to get some form of routine and normalcy.

I also have a tendency to be the "if-only" girl. If only I had more time, if only I had a job, if only I had a relationship, if only I had this article of clothing or thing for my apartment or whatever it is. I set all kinds of levels to accomplish before I can get real with God. I'm waiting on all sort of menial and earthly things to come to fruition when the most satisfying thing in the world requires no waiting at all but simply an open and willing heart.

Getting Back Into the Swing

I hate that the business of the end of the school year and the chaos that is Rockfish has kept me from updating in such a long time, but now with the freedom of my post-college life I am hoping to be back in the blogging world much more frequently.

My current facebook status says that I kind of miss the craziness of back to school, and I do. I knew August would be harder than May in the sense that leaving school in May was essentially the same as every May and my summer was the same as every summer, but now it is that magical time of year and I'm not thinking about classes, buying school supplies, or gearing up for any back-to-school festivities. Instead, I am half moved into an apartment in Raleigh and sitting in my living room at home in Myrtle Beach.

I am excited about the possibilities of the future, but overwhelmed as well. I really want the next year or so, as I transition from student to adult, to be a time of seeking the Lord, I want to grow, I want to change. I'm not entirely sure how or what it will look like, but I want it.