Jesus, You Know How to Color

As I was walking around Michael's today, looking for something to do because I was bored out of my mind, I had a funny memory of a song, or rather a rap, that a group of my kids at Rockfish made up one summer. It goes like this:

Red, the color of my favorite rose
Green, the color of the grass that grows
Yellow, the color of the sun that shines
Way up high in the blue, blue sky

Jesus, you know how to color
Jesus, you know how to color
Jesus, you know how to color
Jesus, you color my life with love

Not too shabby for a bunch of first graders :) I miss those days.

Making Good Use of a Sleepless Night

I'm actually quite tired right now, but I'm not asleep. I think it has to do with the fact I have been going non-stop (literally) for 11+ hours every day for the past week and a half that my body is just taking a really long time to shut down. So, I figured rather than wasting even more time farting around on Facebook or OldNavy.com, I should use this time to update the ol' blog.

I keep telling myself that life will eventually slow down, but I think I might need to get that out of my head.

The past few months have been busy, exhausting, challenging, long, and cold (with a few glimmers of fun and relaxation in there somewhere). And through these past few months I have really been wrestling with trying to figure out what my gifts are, spiritual gifts to be exact, and how I can serve within those gifts to find more fulfillment and a closer relationship with the Lord. However, as I have been wrestling with this, I find out more and more that I'm really not sure what my gifts are and how I could be used.

Introspection and self-evaluation are often very frustrating for me. For one, I suck at emotions and vulnerability and I'm super over-analytical, so I never get very far. I am also incredibly self-critical and have a hard time seeing myself from outside myself, leading to focusing much more time on weaknesses than strengths. Over the past years I have taken several personality tests or strengths profiles and I always read results feeling somewhat irritated with the fact that I never have any one trait or strength that really sticks out above the rest. Maybe I am dissatisfied with being equally average, or maybe I just want someone to tell me what I am good at and what I should do and cut out the introspection all together :) Either way, the process has been frustrating.

Despite the frustration, I have felt very compelled to continue on the journey. The topic of spiritual gifts has surfaced and resurfaced several times over the past few months, so I figured it's something God really wanted to challenge me with.

So this is where I am at. I've been reading a book called S.H.A.P.E. which I heard about from my pal Blair and it's been a good tool to start looking specifically at the topic of gifts.

Through scripture 20 different spiritual gifts are mentioned: administration, apostleship, discernment, encouragement, evangelism, faith, giving, healing, helping, hospitality, interpretation, knowledge, leadership, mercy, miracles, pastoring, prophecy, teaching, tongues, and wisdom.

Of these 20 gifts, there are 10 that I think I have or maybe have, those being: administration(m), discernment(m), encouragement(m), helping(y), hospitality(m), leadership(m), mercy(m), pastoring/shepherding(y), teaching(m), and wisdom(y).

The next step is to do some praying and reflecting on where I have felt most used and fulfilled in life and look for evidence of these gifts (not talents and learned skills) AND to try to serve in areas using these gifts. We'll see what I find out. Any feedback would be welcome but I am not fishing for compliments (I'm bad at taking them anyways), so be legit.

Things Kids Say

Shane: "The Brookester, are you ok? You look a little sad today."
Me: "No Shaneanator, I'm not sad. I'm just really busy, so I guess I'm a little grumpy today."
Shane: "Oh, did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?"
Me: "Yeah, I guess I did."
Shane: "I hate when that happens."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah: "Brooke"
Me: "Yes, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Somedays I just feel like I want to do nothing but dance!"
Me: "You know what, sometimes I have days like that too:)"

i could be getting in over my head...

i have a new personal project swirling around in my head and i think i will launch it soon.

stay tuned!

I wish they had accelerated reader for adults...

...because I would be ALL OVER that.

I love to read, and always have. When I was a kid, book fairs and book orders were like crack. I would want to spend tons of money on books, and that's not a bad thing I suppose. As I got older, life unfortunately got in the way of reading for pleasure with summer reading, and AP English, and college textbooks and what not. But, now that I am free of assigned reading, papers, and homework, I have been able to rekindle my old love.

This past August I decided that I wanted to read (or in some cases re-read) all the "classic" children's books. I haven't found a comprehensive list to start checking off, but I've done some research and thus far, the quest has been absolutely glorious. There is just nothing like getting lost in a story and I have found many of the books to be full of wisdom and insight that I never could have grasped as a child but that I will undoubtedly share with my children...

Here's what I have read thus far:

1. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
2. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham
3. The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
4. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
5. Boy by Roald Dahl

and I have just started getting aquainted with Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. And a few of the next books on my list are Cheaper by the Dozen, The Witches, Matilda, Harriet the Spy, The Borrowers, A Wrinkle in Time, the whole Narnia series, and The Hobbit. I'll gladly take recommendations.

Sometimes I Just Have To Laugh At Myself

Much like my ipod, I sometimes wonder what people's first impression of me would be if they just saw my Netflix queue. Here's what's in there right now:

1. Encino Man
2. Bedknobs and Broomsticks
3. The Gnome-mobile
4. Willow
5. The Little Prince
6. How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
7.Gummi Bears: Seasons 1-3
8. Road to Avonlea: Volume 1
9. Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog

...and this is why I love the biggest loser

"i'm gonna sneak up like a ninja on their asses."
-a big girl dressed in bright pink.

pardon my french, but that's funny, i don't care who you are.

In the spirit of Christmas...

...well sort of.

Since we are right smack dab in the middle of the Christmas season, and gift giving is on the mind, I am taking a suggestion from my pal Meredith and doing a Top 10 Gifts list. It is important to note that these will not be ranked in any particular order and I have been fortunate to receive many thoughtful and special gifts from many thoughtful and special people in my lifetime.

Top 10 Gifts:

1. A box full of Ritter Sport Mint Chocolate Bars (my favorite ever and very hard to locate), special ordered from some European good store by Jordan.
2. My "Beau Coeur" (that's French for Beautiful Heart) ring from Mags. It's beautiful and I love it!
3. My pearl earrings and necklace from my grandparents, given on my 16th and 21st birthdays.
4. My (now) ratty and holey Winthrop Eagles t-shirt that Katie stuck in my suitcase before leaving Winthrop for the summer.
5. A copy of The Giving Tree with a note in the front cover from Jordan Cauley.
6. Ceramic hanging picture frames from my brother Ryan. They were a great choice and suit my taste perfectly.
7. My whole set of dishes, but most specifically my teapot, from my mom :)
8. My ipod. Let's face it I would be lost without it and it is probably one of the most used things I own.
9. A "room warming" picture/collage from Stephen Crotts. It has a picture of me, Rockfish and the Prayer of St. Francis on it.
   
10. Sunrise in Tupperware, a song written by my friend Natasha for me our senior of high school that she debuted to me at our Academy graduation party.

I'm one blessed girl, and a bound to be sleepy one if I don't go to bed!

I think this sums up my musical taste fairly well...

As I have not gotten any suggestions for Top 10 lists, I have decided that this post will be of...

My Top 10 Most Played Songs (according to my ipod):

10. Say It Right by Nelly Furtado: 64 times
9. Material Girl by Madonna: 64 times
8. Poor Unfortunate Souls from The Little Mermaid: 64 times
7. Carrying the Banner from Newsies: 67 times
6. Video by India.Arie: 69 times
5. Marry Me by Ed Cash: 71 times
4. King of New York from Newsies: 72 times
3. Seize the Day from Newsies: 76 times
2. Everlong by The Foo Fighters: 79 times

and the number one, most played song according to my ipod is.....

1. Take My Hand by Shawn McDonald: 97 times

The Countdown

I have realized two very important things lately. One, I blog much better (and significantly more consistently) if I give myself a task; and two, I really like countdowns, top 10's and other entertaining lists. Thus the inspiration for my newest blogging venture, Brooke in 10s. And, per Jordan's suggestion, my first Top 10 list is going to be my Top 10 YouTube Videos (ranked in no particular order). So here is goes:

1. Shirley Q. Liquor--Church Slave: Not a day since my junior year of college has gone by without me quoting something from this. It's absolutely hilarious.

2. Rob Paravonian--Pachebel Rant: This guy is brilliant, hilarious, and he plays guitar. And, after you hear it, you hear Pachebel everywhere!

3. Blood: Whenever a kid gets a bloody nose, lip, or anything else, I always have a weird impulse to go "Bloo-da, not fun-nee." This kid is genuinely concerned, but you can't help but laugh.

4. David Hasselhoff on the Berlin Wall: Ok, so this isn't an authenic youtube video, per say, but his jacket is amazing and, let's face it, he is "The Hoff."

5. David After the Dentist: And while I am on the subject of Davids, I have to select this classic piece of greatness. Kids+drugs=funny, I don't care who you are.

6. Kittens Inspired By Kittens: I have to thank my friend Petra for introducting me to this video. Also, I really hope I have a child just like this some day.

7. Evil Strawberry: I almost pee my pants every time. "I'm not stupid anymore!!!!"

8. Ms. Peachez-Fry That Chicken: "I gotta pan, I gotta plan..."

9. Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog: Act 1, Part 1: The writer's strike sucked, but it did produce this gem. Oh, Sean Patrick Harris....(Parts 2 and 3 are pretty sweet too)

10. The End of the World: Yes, it's a throwback, but a classic.

So, there you have it. Obviously, this list doesn't include all of the greatness YouTube has to offer, but all guarenteed to produce a hearty laugh, so enjoy.

I'm not sure how long this list-making kick will go on, so if you have things you want itemized...I'm your girl, so bring on the suggestions!

a lot has been going on in my life lately...and i'm really tired on just about every level...and in need of some real time with Jesus.

What the good life is made of...

hobos on the fire. cuddling with some of my favorite children. catching up with friends you haven't seen in awhile. lots of sweet tea. playing at rest stops. painting toe nails. finding at least 40 out of 50 license plates while driving. lots of laughing. trying to fit into little girl dress up clothes. being invisible. good conversation. sharing stories. lots of hugs. girl time. laughing at boys. knowing that some things just don't change that much.

and i got all of this from almost 20 hours in a car and a trip to Alabama :)

At the table

We have had a dining room table and chairs in our apartment for as long as I have lived here (with the exception of the month or so between Alison taking hers and my acquiring my grandparents' old set) and for a great part of that time the table has been used to collect junk and deposit mail. Occasionally we would clean it off to serve food when we had folks over, but more or less it served all the purposes of a junk drawer without the semblance of organization.

Tonight however, Jordan and I both got home about the same time and therefore were cooking dinner about the same time. Upon realizing that our cable had in fact been disconnected in our living room, thus ruining the plans to watch Two and a Half Men while eating at the coffee table, I suggested that we bust out the ol' boombox and have a family dinner, at the table.

It was nice. She ate her steak, I ate my chicken, and we listened to Delilah solve the world's problems via requests and dedications while we talked. God blesses friendships in the simplest things sometimes.

One thing I really value about the way I was raised, especially when we were young and before we all started working, we always ate dinner together as a family--at the dinner table with the television off. There is so much value to that and if the Lord blesses me with a family some day, I have every intention of carrying on the tradition.

I'm not entirely sure what to make out of this?!

Guessing my age is always a fun game to play with kids, mostly because they are horrible judges of age and have zero sense of my age in relation to theirs, so I get some pretty hilarious answers. Although, this one might take the cake:

Me: How old do you think I am?

various guesses from various children

Jamont: You're 50!

Me: Really? Do I look 50 to you?

Jamont: Well, you kind of look like Michael Jackson (who was 50 for those of you who somehow missed that)

Me: Well I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

Jamont: Mmmm...compliment!

Me: Well, ok.

That's funny, I don't care who you are; although, I am not entirely sure how I feel about being compared to the MJ.

I laughed at this

I have been helping coach a t-ball team at the Y this spring and this is just a glimpse of why I love kindergartners:

While on first base during practice:

ME: "Eugene, are you ready for the ball?"

EUGENE: "I'm ready for my butt."

ME: (laughing hysterically) "I don't know what that means but let's not say that"

EUGENE: "OK"

"I'm on Birthday Crack"

...and that is a direct quote from me about 20 minutes ago.

I love birthdays, and not just my birthday, but birthdays in general. I think it is fun to be able to celebrate your friends for a whole day and it's just fun for folks to get their time to be the center of attention for a bit. But don't get me wrong, I do love my birthday too (mostly because I have wonderful people in my life who always make it special).

Over the years I have had a wide variety of birthday experiences.

As a young child I remember making my own birthday cakes (chocolate cake with chocolate icing and M&Ms on top, of course!).

On my 11th birthday I remember being pulled out of school early because my dad was getting his liver transplant, so we spent the day at Duke hospital. I also remember my mom taking me to the mall and getting this awesome pair of blue shoes with daisies all over them (I still have them at home).

On my 13th birthday I had my first "blow out" boy/girl party which was pretty fun, except the fact that I found out my "boyfriend" had been "cheating" on me. I would be lying if I said it didn't tear me up. I was also finally allowed to start wearing makeup.

On my 14th birthday I was in Washington, DC on my 8th grade graduation trip.

On my 16th birthday I got the first of 7 annual trips into the Rockfish lake. I also remember having one of the few bouts of homesickness I've had in my life. I got two of the BEST handmade birthday cards from some of my very first campers at Rockfish and my pearl earrings.

On my 18th birthday I was annoyed that graduation was the same day and that meant having to go back to Myrtle Beach High School (because who cared about my birthday when graduation was taking place!?) BUT I totally got TWO cakes....then I got thrown into the lake a few days later.

On my 19th birthday I spent my last few hours of being a teenager in the kitchen at Rockfish, making parflesnarf cake, listening to Stephen tell a totally BS story that made Jordan pee her pants, and riding down the ramp at the dining hall on a kitchen cart banging pots and pans...then quickly aborting the mission when I realized there was a group in the Bergland :)...and I got thrown in the lake.

On my 21st birthday Anissa had a surprise girls spa night for me during staff training. I got my pearl necklace from my grandparents and a diamond necklace from my mom...and I got thrown in the lake.

On my 22nd birthday I remember laying in my bed, all jacked up from exhaustion, and going on and on about this lightning bug that was in our room wishing me a happy birthday only to have my dear friend Petra point out the fact it was the light on the smoke detector...and we laughed for a l-o-n-g time....and I got thrown in the lake (for the last time).

And today, on my 23rd birthday I had my first non-camp birthday in awhile...but it was full of lots of smiles and cards and "Happy Birthdays" and funny phone calls. I got to eat lunch with friends from the Y, the afternoon off, and Jordan took me to the Melting Pot for dinner so I go to bed with an extremely full belly and a happy heart.

5 Things I am thankful for today:

1. The message from Charlotte that reminded me that today is the celebration of the day I came into the world and was no longer a fetus :)
2. Being on facebook and watching the little red notification flag pop up.
3. Getting to share birthday cake with so many people today.
4. That Katie S., Erica, and Brittany Brock are as funny as, if not funnier than, Hoops and YoYo
5. That it is finally warm enough to be outside when it rains! Nothing like walking through a light summer rain.
   

Day Thirty

Today officially marks the end of the Thirty Days of Thankfulness.

It's been a good exercise for me, but like with anything there have been ups and downs. I started out with so much excitement and enthusiasm, there were days when I observed and lived in anticipation of finding things to be thankful for. And then were there days when I didn't feel like being thankful at all or where I sat at my computer stumped, trying to come up with my five. I'm so human.

I've learned some important things though:

• I am not at a place where thankfulness necessarily comes naturally yet, I'd like to get there
  
• Sometimes the things that I am thankful for are just things that make me laugh...and I don't think that is a bad thing.
• I would like to be as excited about my walk with the Lord everday as I was when I started this 30 days ago...an excitement about what the Lord can and will do!
• I want to continue in this discipline, perhaps not posting it on here, but in my time with the Lord, being intentional about my thankfulness for what he has done and is doing daily.

So, here it is folks, that last thankfulness post. Enjoy!

Day Thirty:

1. Everyone who has been reading this blog and the little ways I have seen the Lord use it.
2. That there are some people who I know will just always be a part of my life.
3. Getting to talk to Brittany Brock today!!!
4. Awkward moments that make funny stories later
5. People who desire to make the Lord known in the world around them
   

Grand Finale

It's no secret that I love reality television, and the show that by far has my heart is The Biggest Loser. This season was a particularly good season. Not only was it the biggest cast ever (as in the largest people), there was a lot less drama, and just a lot of seeing people change. And that's exciting. Yes, it's TV and yes, it's perhaps silly to get a little choked up each episode...but it makes me happy. And Tara just LOST for the first time all season, and this was the big one...GOOOOO Helen!!

Day Twenty-nine:

1. The opportunity to share, in a very small way, in what Community Hope has been doing by attending their end of the year banquet.
2. Getting all my rosters done before the track starts tomorrow
   
3. Finally working out again after over a week of doing nothing
4. Driving past beautiful fields at dusk
5. A nice place to come home to after a long day
   

Getting back in the swing

I don't have a whole lot to write about today. It was a pretty typical day, not a bad day by any means, not an especially exciting one either. It's one of those days where time went by really fast even though you feel like you've been moving slow...

...and I know that I was moving slow mostly because I felt like I hadn't been to work in weeks. Between my trip with my mom, the YRS retreat, and Seafarer, it has been quite a while since I've spent an entire day in the office and I just feel like I had to get back into my groove. And of course, the downside to any time away from work is coming back to all the odds and ends that piled up in your absence that you have to tackle. and it was a Monday...and it was raining....

sigh... :)

Day Twenty-eight:

1. Waking up earlier than usual and starting the day off without rushing
2. The good fortune to not only have food to eat, but to have the kinds of food I enjoy to eat
3. My girls Eva and Molly who hang out with me in the office every afternoon
   
4. Anticipation about the business of the summer that will be here soon enough
5. Conviction from the Lord
   

OMG

On the way to church this morning, Jordan filled me in that the title of JD's new sermon series is "OMG!" I liked it without even knowing what he was preaching about.

As it turns out, he's preaching on prayer, which sounds good to me because it's definitely an area where I'd like to see growth. I really enjoy corporate prayer, I've experienced the power of prayer, I know the necessity of it, but so often I lack motivation or don't set apart the time in my day to really devote to talking to God. That needs to change.

Anywho, the sermon, per usual, gave me some good things to think about, and while I could simply copy my notes from the sermon, I want to focus in on what JD focused on as "The 3 Things That Are ALWAYS TRUE About God" because what we think and believe about who God is greatly affects the stance we take towards him and the stance we take towards him affects our worship of him. It's important to keep these things in mind because the circumstances of our lives do not always prompt us to worship, but when we focus on these truths, we have no choice but to worship joyfully.

Three Truths About God

1. God is in loving control: "If ever there was a time where it seemed like evil was in total control, it was at the cross, BUT it fulfilled God's will" We all face times in our lives when we feel like God is turning his back on us and the matters of our lives. Bad things happen, evil exists, and people will hurt us, but what is so awesome is that (to quote JD) "Satan has never come up with a plan to which God didn't answer 'That's perfect. It will suit my will perfectly.'" Anything that Satan or any person could use for evil against you is an opportunity to see God's hand in your life even when we don't see it at the time. What is important is that when we are faced with these challenges we are emotionally honest with God to admit the pain but intellectually humble enough to admit there are things about God that we just won't understand.
2. God acts according to great mercy: And mercy is God not giving us what we deserve while grace is giving us what we don't deserve. By our very nature we are sinful and deserve the wrath of God, but the very fact that we wake up every morning is a demonstration of God's mercy towards us. Not understanding God's mercy towards us can really affect our relationship with him. If you are constantly thinking that you deserve God's wrath, you will feel guilty with his mercy. And if you think you don't deserve wrath, you can harbor resentment towards God when life doesn't go the way you think it should.
3. God is tender towards us: "The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made" (Psalm 145:17). God will provide for the things we need, he will lift us up when we fall, fix us when we are broken, watch over us and protect us. We are his creation and his stance towards us is love and he loves us tenderly.

To tie all of this pack to the topic of worship and prayer, how we view God determines how we worship. If God is nothing but useful to us, a means to an end or a way to make us feel better, we will have to discipline ourselves to pray. But if we embrace the truths above and God becomes beautiful to us, it is our joy to pray.

Day Twenty-seven:

1. Finding a church where I walk away each week with a new perspective
2. Seeing people who are truly joyful about the Lord
3. A good cry at a good movie
4. Getting some order back to my room
5. My mother, of course. She is a wonderful lady.