Part of me really wants to teach kindergarten

There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, like a five-year-old's enthusiasm for life, and that is why, despite my many years of being adamantly opposed to teaching, deep down a part of me really wants to be a kindergarten teacher.

Earlier today, I was sitting at my desk, studying for a philosophy test, when the sound of children hits my ears from outside my window. Naturally, I drop everything to go look and there, right outside my window were 20 or so probably 4 and 5 year olds, collect leaves, kicking dirt, twirling in circles, giggling, screaming, all the with utmost excitement. It brought be such a joy to hear that, and to get to watch it. I couldn't help but smile, and honestly, part of me wanted to cry.

They were collecting leaves that had changed colors to take back to class. So all these youngin's were racing and hurrying to gather as many leaves as they could (as if there aren't a million just sitting out there) and ever so proudly carry them back to their teacher, complete with some comment about how pretty or cool or yellow their leaf was.

Then the wind blew, and I've never heard sweeter squeals of excitement as a whole new batch of leaves came showering down on their heads. It was beautiful.

Luckily, right as I had to leave to go take my test, they too were moving on to some other adventure of fall.

Man, We're Good

It was a tough, close game, but we pulled through with our mad skills, keeping up our record as
2-0, we're pretty amazing.









I want to write about things other than football but don't seem to be able to find the time.

"Let us Speak then of love...

What does it mean to 'love' something? If a man asks a woman 'do you love me?' and if after a long and awkward pause and considerable deliberation, she replies with wrinkled brow ' well, up to a certain point, under certain conditions, to a certain extent,' then we can be sure that whatever it is she feels for this poor fellow it is not love and this relationship is not going to work out. For if love is the measure, the only measure of love is love without measure (Augustine). One of the ideas behind love is that it represents a giving without holding back, an 'unconditional' commitment, which marks love with a certain excess. Physicians counsel us to eat and exercise in measured moderation and not to overdo either. But there is no merit in loving moderately, up to a certain point, just so far, all the while watching out for number one...If a woman divorces a man because he turned out to be a failure in his profession and just did not measure up to the salary expectations she had for him when they married, if she complains that he did not live up to his end of the 'bargain,' well, that is not the sort of till-death-do-us-part, unconditional commitment that is built into marital love and the marital vow. Love is not a bargain, but unconditional giving; it is not an investment, but a commitment come what may. Lovers are people who exceed their duty, who look around for ways to do more than is required of them. If you love your job, you don't just do the minimum that is required; you do more. If you love your children, what would you not do for them? If a wife asks a husband to do her a favor, and he declines on the grounds that he is really not duty bound by the strict terms of the marriage contract to do it, that marriage is all over except for the paper work. Rather than rigorously defending their rights, lovers readily put themselves in the wrong and take the blame for the sake of preserving their love. Love, St. Paul said in his stunning hymn to love, is patient, kind, not puffed up or boastful; it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Cor. 13). A world without love is a world goverened by rigid contracts and inexorable duties, a world in which--God forbid!--the lawyers run everything. The mark of really loving someone or something is unconditionality and excess, engagement and commitment, fire and passion. Its opposite is a mediocre fellow, neither hot nor cold, moderate to the point of mediocrity. Not worth saving. No salt."

-John Caputo, On Religion

This is what I am reading for Religion class....I'm so excited.

Caputo is searching to explain St. Augustine's questions "what do I love when I love God?" And he further concludes that "If you do not love God, what good are you."

So what do we love when we love God...do we even really offer God the fire and passion, a lovers love? What do we replace our love with, what are we wasting our affections on?

The Nance Will Make You Dance

That's right ladies and gentlemen, the girls from the Nance have a football team and we're ready to dominate.

Daytime television sucks

I have been especially distracted today.

Fall break is quickly running out and I still have a lot of reading to do, yet it all goes completely unfinished.

When those attempts failed, I tried reading a book just for fun, a new one, called Captivating, and even though I couldn't put it down last night, today it took me 30 minutes to read on page. Even television wouldn't suffice as it was an endless process of flipping through the channels. I aimless wandered up and down the stairs, signing on and off the internet, digging through drawers that I knew held nothing of interest to me, stood up, sat down, and heaven forbid I crack open my Bible and just spend some time with God...I just feel so restless.

It's good to be home, but at the same time, I always kind of get this way when I'm home, it just seems to be worse this time. I've spent a lot of my break alone actually. My mom and Devin have work, school, their social lives and whatnot, and there's really not anyone here in Myrtle Beach for me to see, there's really not much here for me these days. I guess that's kind of why I feel restless.

A lot seems to change when you haven't been home for awhile, even just within my family. My mom has started wearing jeans and drinking beer (not in a bad way, just never in my life have I seen her drink beer and last night at dinner she ordered one). Not to mention, she's skinnier than I was at like five. She goes out with Randy a lot, which is good, she deserves it, I guess with not being home though, I don't really get a chance to get used to it.

Devin is slowly becoming someone I could actually see myself hanging out with. He's a good kid, really, I was worried about him for awhile, but I think he's gonna turn out ok. He even came downstairs with his arms wide open for a hug when I came home Friday. I really hope he works at camp this summer, it would be good for him, it could be cool to hang out with my lil bro some. He's got a lot of growing to do, but he'll get there.

For fear of sounding old, middle and high schoolers today really make me sad. After school today, Devin and three of his friends came over to the house (all girls oddly enough) and apparently the one girls mom thought she was actually at Myrtle Beach High School and she sat there on the phone with his mom, lying right to her face, not even just be vague but saying like "No mom, I'm at the highschool, I'm standing right here in the hall way and waiting for practice to finish." Then when her mom didn't go for one of her plans concerning transportation from point A to point B, she hung up (with not even a good bye) let out a grunt, and another girl chipped in another layer to the story to tell her mom, devised another plan, and called her mom back.

I used to be that kid...I still am sometimes.

What hurt my heart though, is they all seemed kinda empty, there wasn't much there, and even more, the girl who was instigating the new plans of lying was the one girl I actually knew pretty well, and really hoped would rise about the same kinda crap that got her sister in so much trouble in high school. And she seemed the most detached of all. It's so sad.

Sometimes it really amazes me how easily I can procrastinate, how willing I am to do so, and how sometimes I even dilerbertly look for ways to distract myself. God's yelled at me for it, my mom's yelled at me for it, I've yelled at me for it, but I do it all the same.

I need to work on self-discipline. God's been showing me a lot about discipline and how vital it is to our lives, we're all looking for order, and God's got it, just gotta stop and listen to him.

Well, I think I am done procrastinating for the time being, maybe now that I've written some of this down, my mind will settle down a bit.

Makes me Laugh

You know Love is a happy time all throughout the universe. Its when the male part of the species goes to the female part of the species and says "HEY, you wanna go on a date!" And then she would say, "Well, yes I would like to go on a date, IF YOUR LUCKY!"


And then you go to a resturant and then she gets something called a salad and he gets a big piece of beef that he eats. And that ladies and gentlemen is what I call love. Kinda makes you cry doesnt it.


Brak from Space Ghost

I've Got Mail...I've Got Mail

and not e-mail either, the real stuff...all the way from one of my campers in Jacksonville, NC.

whoo hoo.

getting mail is perhaps one of the most exciting things ever.

what made it even better is that the letter is folded in one of those complicated and obnoxious note passing ways that you learn like in the 4th grade and keep doing until about 10th grade when you finally stop passing notes and then you just forget. It's so refreshing to see those things still around.

oh, and the sun is back in action kids.

The Sandal Tan Has Been Reincarnated

Not that is actually ever goes away but it was definitely on it's way to fading when WHAM! I take off my sandals Saturday night and after being perplexed as the whether it was a dirt or a tan...it was determined that it was in fact a glorious sandal tan.

Not that is wasn't worth it. I mean, a resurrected sandal tan is a small price to pay for a high quality weekend of fun filled times at good ol' Rockfish.

The weekend was just wonderful. Good times with Good friends. Lots of hanging out at the Joiner household. Convincing kids that clay-gelled mohawks are "so rockstar." And watching one of the best dads in the world spend quality time with his three little girls just made my heart melt. Not to mention the Peru trip is SO on for the summer. I'm so exciting. Good things are happening there.

Quite honestly, I didn't want to leave, as usual, but it was a very refreshing weekend. Nice to always have a place and family to go home to.



I wanna be at Rockfish, where the mud is ripe and the trees stay green...

THERE IS HOT WATER IN THE NANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Praise God!

Classy

I feel like I need a record player and a cool vintage dress and heels.

Good Things That Happen Before Noon

Although it is just now moving towards the 10:30 hour, there have been signigicant reasons already to make today a good day. They are as follows:

1. Despite having gone to bed way late and waking up at an obnoxiously early hour (and by obnoxiously early I mean 8:00) than I normally do and after having been absolutely exhausted all yesterday, I woke up quite energized and I must say I am "alive, awake, enthusiastic."

2. Props to my biology lecture class! A girl got sick in my class and not only was the teacher incredibly helpful to her and not made she was interupting a test, but when the professor had to leave the room there was not a whisper or a shuffle through notebooks, everyone just sat there and continued taking their test--that so would not have happened in high school.

3. Chemistry majors are cute with their little protective eyewear and aprons.

4. Someone genuinely responded to the smile I gave them. It wasn't some elaborate exchange, but he took the time to stop his conversation on the phone for a brief second, smile, say hello, and go on his way.

5. Frank is in the CD player.

WaHo and Prom Dresses

As if the Waffle House is not enough fun on it's own, throw in some prom dresses and make it a night.

This is what a real man looks like

silly

Crazy girls

All dressed up for the classiest meal on earth

I Like the Way You Move

Ba dum dum.

hehe...I am far beyond delirious at the moment. Maggie and I have been in a particularly funny and witty mood since we got back from Body Sculpt which has only progressed that later it's gone the and the further we are from achieving our homework. We rhyme, we listen to Outkast. We're also hungry...we want Waffle House, Mexican, Chili's, pretty much anything.

I had every intention of going to bed way early tonight, but I am so not tired.

For those who didn't know, Kid's Radio is now unlimited.

It's served quite useful as entertainment while I locked myself in my room all weekend to study philosophy.

It's been years...

It has been years since I have had a scraped knee...a scraped chin maybe, but scraped knees are things that come from rollerblade wipeouts, flips over bicycle handlebars, vicious games of "lava monster" or tag...but all things you figure you will one day master as soon as you grow into a certain level or coordination.

hehe...that is not so. but I must say, there is this great sense of "inner-child" that comes with a good scraped knee, that sort of play focused lifestyle, the intensity that comes with the playground and recess games of soccer. It's great.

But what is even greater than that, is the paradox that comes with wearing a skirt and having a scraped knee. It's that sort of off-balance of the grown-up world and the child's world...it's the difference between play clothes and work clothes, and it's, I don't know, like when parents try to dress their children up to make them look like little adults, to make them look presentable but they really are just little people with missing teeth, goose eggs, snotty noses, and scraped knees and elbows. It doesn't quite match.

College or not, fancy clothes or not, I am still very much a kid at heart.

Can't Stop, Won't Stop

There are several kids around campus who have shirts with the "Can't Stop, Won't Stop" phrase on them, I think they're from Irmo or something like that.

Well I may not be from Irmo, but I believe I might operate on this principle, not that it's bad neccesarily, just annoying when I really would rather quit and give up on something than stick it out.

I'm not a quitter, when I start stuff-I finish it; when I'm in something-I'm there; Friendships, relationships, work obligations, all such things-I'm loyal. I just can't back out on stuff, and when I consider it I go through these lengthy battles with my conscience about it all and it often leads to more stress than I needed, because in the end I knew whatever it was I was thinking about not doing, I was still going to do.

Since the second day of class I have wanted to drop my philosophy class. I liked to rationalize that I didn't have the time to devote to it, or I wasn't ready for the class, but the truth is, I'm intimidated by the class and I am not sure I will get an A so I would rather quit than be challenged and get a B (heaven forbid).

I went to wherever and got the form ready to drop, I contacted the professor, checked my advisor's hours but I can't bring myself to drop it. I know I am capable of the work.

Curses darn work ethic and crap like that.